thank you God!

I give the glory back to You

this time Jesus ...

...how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through between the altar and the door

how come the sudden interest? I was never in your group anyway. Where did the kindness come from? You used to scorn people like me. You actually treat people like dirt. I remember my friends, you weren't one of them.

pain...

“True love is when you have to watch a friend leave, with the knowledge that you might never see him again. But you know he'll be in your mind and heart forever.”

Bell, I miss you

break my heart for what breaks yours...

everything I am for your kingdom's cause

I wish... that time would just stand still, that everything remains as it is, just for now. stay. stay the same and let nothing change.
its ironic isn't it, I'm suffering at this very instance, yet I don't want time to go on.

on a more practical sense, I guess I do need more hours to study.

worries worries worries. 'I guess I'm a worrier, that's why my friends call me whiskers...'
am I alright? what will happen? will it work out? will I pass? success? are my needs met? is there love? and joy? is the best behind me? do I go it alone...?
I'm not feeling it. rise me above the storm, above life, where I can see from a holistic picture. just to know...
but is there any good in knowing?

did I really mean it when I wrote first line...
it all seems so contradictory.
I have professed so much in words, but have my actions backed them up? or is it just a case of not doing what you preach.

exam routines are great: breakfast at lunch and dinner at supper. sleep is weird. breaks are frequent. thoughts go haywire.
Praise Him.

let this post be an oct one

so ends uni and my final semester.
I wanted to write about what's been happening lately... and the events of october but unfortunately, the exams have arrived and I was too lazy prior to that to update the post. bugger.
Now, I write this in a state of tiredness and my mind refuses to remember anything eventful at all... not that my life hasnt been eventful, its been fantastic so far. Lovin it.
I guess I'm kindda sad at the revelation of a one final departure from Melbourne. I hate to say this, but this place has also become home to me. I mean, I literally grew through my entire youth here, from 16 to 22. Its become familiar, and the future... seems uncertain- What I do not know, I fear. Coming and going as an international student used to be really fearful, as one has to cope with changes and new experiences all the time. I used to be really really scared of that. Now, I'm leaving that stage, and moving on.
ayy. just as I've grown accustomed to taking on the persona of an international student, it is now time to move on. God's bringing me forward once again, to another uncharted chapter of life. But I know deep down, I am so much stronger than I used to be. The battle is all in the mind.
I feel so sad leaving friends here, especially my my brothers and sisters at church. Why God? why did you allow people to come into my life, only to separate and take them out of my life again. I love them God... deep down I already know the solution- He holds the answers.

love the pair of running shoes they bought for me. Its so sentimental now. In it, holds the power of my friends. I see their love. I see their investment in me. The power of my shoe will spur me on when I run. The power of my friends.

as I write this, it is the 11th of Nov. I've got 2 more papers this coming thurs and fri. I am Least prepared for those, as I've put so much effort into the first 2. scared and stressed. Just praying for divine intervention and blessings.

how come I don't feel at all excited about going home? (Lav, I know you're gonna hit me for saying that) How come I see the future and it looks so hazy. How come the outlook is so bleak. That was not what I had in mind when I first set off to study. The mindset has changed: what happened to the plan of just 'hanging in there' and holding out for the nxt couple of years for the sake of education? It's not like that anymore. I saw so much promise in home. where is that promise...
be positive.

1

didnt want to see her go
but it had to happen
but it shouldnt even be happening.
I am doing something so wrong.

rescue oh Lord, to think less of me, and more of You.

Search my O God and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties
And see if there is any wicked way in me
And lead me in the way everlasting

help me to worship and love you God, even if every ounce of my flash refuses to
I offer devotion. restore passion, restore my mind, to be compelled to reach out for you

stone

sorry for being passionless. please help me in my life.
I'm held by You, only You. Nothing in this world is secure.

till I see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home, I'll trust in you

need running shoes!
it might help me remember how to run
I can't run.

reminiscing great times

I wanna go for another awesome Hillsong conference!!!!

Tuesday (video blog):


Wednesday (video blog):


Friday (whole conference highlight):


Chris Tomlin's 'How great is our God' after Louie Giglio's sermon:

note to self

MUST remember Lav's birthday

All of the Above

Devotion - Hillsong United

I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
That we are redeemed
Unbelieving trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
I take up my cross and follow you Lord

When you stand the tall trees and mountains bow
When you speak the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

I'm forgiven, my savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
I'm delivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focused on the savior who gave his live
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow you Lord

I will take up my cross and follow Lord where you lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow wherever you go

----

music is so powerful

euphoria

so many hours of study put into this subject.

entrepreneurial finance... over! oh the elation

that's 1/2 the exams gone.

-----

they were going to kill her? oh how could they do that? to someone so beautiful
"how do I get to the courts?" I kept shouting to my friend
I needed to get there, to see her one last time...

thank god, I did. an embrace. a farewell. an exchange of words.
"I love you and goodbye"
she gave me her final possessions before departing forever:
3 $100 dollar notes
1 $10 note
2 handphones
1 note

she is gone, and I will never see her again

studying?

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55% of plepoe can

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but teh wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if y ou can raed tihs forwrad it.

we need people

'are you hot?'
I'll always ask Matt whenever I'm sitting with him, and he'll always give an answer in relation to meteorological factors forgetting that the ques also poses a double meaning along the egoistic side. Well, its good fun and everyone ends up laughing in the end.
other more crude questions include "do you like sax?" [-a-phone] or "where's your g-string?" [when one is playing a guitar]

but tonight, he asked me the same thing, flipping the question around:
Matthew says:
you know how your fav phrase is are you hot? it gets me thinking are you hot for someone...
jem says:
huh? why r u thinking so deep?
jem says:
ok wait. matt = hot...but, -1 for being accountant (nerd), -1 for being pastor's son, -1 for wearing glasses, -1 for not being able to touch toes, -1 for thinking too deep.
jem says:
thus, matt = nerd
...
...
...
jem says:
well, your ques was am i hot for someone?
jem says:
i like to say im hot for God, but assignments and now study seems to just take my mind off him alot and just seem so stuck into it
Matthew says:
what a wise answer

and with that, he continued on and gave me a great deal of encouragement.
...
...
Matthew says:
its easy to get engrossed in other stuff that just crowds God out of it
Matthew says:
me included
Matthew says:
taht's why we need to fellowship with other faithfilled bros and sisters! cause iron sharpens iron

at the moment, I'm at zero passion and my mind is just racing, always worrying about circumstances.
but in the words of Matt "why go it alone when God has given you friends to help you thru"

how true.

defeat

stayed up till 3am to do an assignment- thought I take a quick 1.5hr nap before waking up for the euro finals, but I never heard the alarm go off (must've been too tired). CRAPPPP.
missed the match live ! what kind of fan am I.

so what did I do?
basically shut myself out from the world. covered my ears every time I heard something about the game. didnt go on the internet (only UNI email). didnt touch the tele... till it was time for the 2nd telecast to be screened.

gosh, we lost. I only knew the pain 10hours later.

--
exams are coming up, please pray for me.

the last monday of 7hr non-stop classes

and with that, the last monday of the sem is over. The last time I'll go for a monday packed with 7 hours of classes non-stop (10-5pm) and getting finance bashed. As for meals, managed to squeeze sushi and doughnuts into e 15min lect intervals, so it was pretty good fun, but tiring nonetheless, when the day's finally over.

week 12 already!!!!
gosh... flying.

and 10 more days to official winter. sigh, The weather's just took a turn the past week from beautiful sunny to harsh cold. I don't like winter. Freeze

being Christian

on thurs, I saved this girl on the tram- she was beside me and we were both standing when suddenly the tram just jerked to a halt (wat lousy driver). she lost her balance and fell. As she was falling, I stuck out my arms and she fell right on them! so I caught her and brought her up nicely. Score.

need to RemembeR

downgraded my plan from $33 to $29 (which gives me only $24 call credit)
makes my call fees rise by 0.1cents
got 100 free SMSes
got roll-over
got $8 extra credit (which gives a total call credit of $32)

credits get spent first, then the rollover then the extra credits.
if I need to terminate the plan, I will have to downgrade the number from a plan to a prepaid
or I could transfer ownership to anyone else. RREMEMBERR


was preparing for bible study on Friday until that optus lady barged into my life with a call to address my expiring plan- that stripped off a cool 1/2 an hour.

preparing for bible study is like research. quite fun at times. It makes it easier that my cell follows a biblestudy guide (albeit a crappy one accordin to my boss, ahahaha), that the leader can follow to lead the discussion.
"Who is in control", "Why does God allow suffering", "Why do the wicked prosper". Gosh, the more I delve into the topic, the more insight I get, asking more questions. Anticipating a bible/discussion bashing session. I'm sure of this, cos I Do Not have all the answers...
Look God, at the end of the day, you're DA Man. nothing changes that.

NO sleep

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I couldn't sleep last night! ! !
watched 'the machinist' and it made me toss in bed all night, gripped in fear and thoughts.
oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.
its one of those those disturbing thriller movies, very similar to fight club (or 'the number 23', if you've watched it recently). how one man's insomnia and guilt warps reality... makes everything so creepy
I found it so friggin disturbing!!

thank God I wasn't a goner when I went to church this morning (in the show, the guy didn't sleep for 1 whole year, is that even possible man)

but Christian Bale is seriously da man. He lost soo much weight just for that role in the film (like 62 pound loss to 121 pounds) and had to gain it back in a couple of months to get the part of Batman. what an insane actor.

anyways, its another monday tomorrow and once again, DECLARING it a VICTORIOUS week in God.

machinist... gosh
peace OUT