anti-christian.

on hope:

“Those who suffer must be sustained by a hope that can never be contradicted by any reality or be disposed by any fulfillment—a hope for the beyond. (Precisely because of its ability to keep the unfortunate in continual suspense, the Greeks considered hope the evil of evils, the truly insidious evil: it remained behind in the barrel of evils.)”

“Hope is the worst of all evils, for it prolongs the torments of Man.”

on love:

“Love is the state in which man sees things most decidedly as they are not. The power of illusion is at its peak here, as is the power to sweeten and transfigure. In love man endures more, man bears everything. A religion had to be invented in which one could love: what is worst in life is thus overcome—it is not even seen any more.”

on Christianity:

“Christianity . . . is the hatred of the spirit, of pride, courage, freedom, liberty of the spirit; Christian is the hatred of the senses, of joy in the senses, of joy itself.”

"The Christian faith from the beginning, is sacrifice: the sacrifice of all freedom, all pride, all self-confidence of spirit; it is at the same time subjection, a self-derision, and self-mutilation.”

"The Christian movement is a degeneracy movement composed of reject and refuse elements of every kind... It is therefore not racially conditioned; it appeals to the disinherited everywhere... It needs a symbol that represents a curse on the well-constituted and dominant... it takes the side of idiots and utters rancor against the gifted, the learned, the independent, for it detects in them the well-constituted and the masterful"

-Fredrich Nietzsche, The Will to Power

gratitude. thanks.

I will give thanks to You, for Your goodness and supplication on my life. No doubt, I feel the pressure (everywhere), yet, this time of my life is also the best and most relaxed period ever. Will there ever be a period like this? [What I worry most actually, is that it will be like that perpetually... can that ever happen?] I do not want to be a shade, living without a reason- it is actually one of my greatest fears. However, if I dig down to the very foundations of myself, my reason surely isn't clear yet. That's actually a very big issue to me, I need revelation.

calling...

again, You have a reason and purpose, a perfect timing for each season. I will fret not, and enjoy the fruits of this time whilst it lasts. Ironically, I feel so much stronger and fitter now (compared to army). Thank you so much for that!! It's amazing how my body has come such a long way, from scrawny to very fat to fat to so much less fat now! Okay that's just a side note. For this I ask that You'll lead me not into any temptation and let me use this gift of fitness for your glory.

also, please let me learn something new each day. Engage my mind.

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven... He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

let me never lose sight of You, let me never live a mundane and godless life. Instead, in all things I do, there will always be Jesus right in it. I feel scared, at the same time I know You'll come through as You always had.

I like to say this in my mind all the time, but I really mean it: God, if you have called me to be a construction worker, so be it, let me accept it with grace and do its task for glory's sake. I'm sold.

thanks also to all the readers out there who've actually been reading my blog, and encouraged me over the years.

hearts returned. rightful owner.

for you, suffering the pain of unrequited love.

give your heart back to God. Do not put something so valuable such as your heart and serve it on a platter to a human. A mere human being. Your heart is reserved for a one much higher than that. Someone who sympathises and knows how fragile and precious it truly is. Someone who understands it. Someone whom you can entrust it to and will never ever break it. Because he really loves you. Pray. Ask earnestly: Take back my heart Lord, Let my life always be filled with love and affection. Yours. Captivate my heart forever.

in unrequited love, pain is inevitable. Sometimes you play it down thinking that your pain is not worth paying attention to. Perhaps, because you think too lowly of yourself, or when comparing your situation to someone else's- going through what is perceived as a real tragedy, be it death, separation or even illnesses, you wonder if your case is as 'serious'. But pain is pain, do not even disguise or simply try to write it off as being anything else, merely because it seems lesser when compared to the degree of pain others experience. Address it. Bring that sadness to God. He made us, He knows us, He fixes us and He'll father us through it. That is his promise to you.

to you, suffering from unrequited love.

do not let your life be governed by this depression anymore. Do not blame it or go back to it whenever you get knocked down in other circumstances, using it as the reason for being stifled or to amplify the depression. Overcome it by being filled with the love of Christ. And finally, live. Live by the only correct way of feeling alive- chasing after the heart of Christ and being so in love with Him.

wait on His timing. Someday, He will give you a partner and ordain that relationship. When your heart feels alive and is aroused because of him, there will also be a divine sense that the time is right for it too...

"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”

peace. the. fullness. of. life.

(Tang Tang)

right now, I am where I am needed to be. There is no utopia nor is there a greener pasture to settle elsewhere- unless I hear a distinct call to sojourn and move out. So far there hasn't been one but only the cry of my own heart screaming with petty reasons. Do despise it though, because the reasons, no matter how petty they are, have left my heart ravaged and broken. This desire within me now to leave this place and circumstance is merely a weak attempt to flee from a calling or a destiny that is at hand. In short, I am a coward.

or, I am just worried and scared of the upcoming chain of events. All that worrying has made me try so hard to orchestrate the future to fit my own terms and conditions, dictating them to achieve my desires. However, all that tempering and intervention (or whatever futile attempt at it) so far has gotten me nowhere. Instead I feel grounded and resentful, not wanting to move out from the safe rock and going on to experience that which is life...
I do not want to clamp up anymore. Time to step out and live.

it doesn't matter where I am or what I do, as long as I am in the very center of the presence of God, exactly where He has placed me to be.

if Jesus is not the center of your life, then your life is out of focus.

trust me to think of this hymn back in 1994, when I was a little kid, as my baptism song. Now within these lines are stuff that is so real to me. I guess you really are what you choose- having picked this hymn, it now resonates as my lifesong:

I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I don't borrow from it's sunshine
For it's skies may turn to gray
I don't worry over the future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He knows what is ahead

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand

Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb
Every burden's getting lighter
Every cloud is silver-lined
There the sun is always shining
There no tear will dim the eye
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky

I don't know about tomorrow
It may bring me poverty
But the one who feeds the sparrow
Is the one who stands by me
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood

Do Not Worry
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

JESUS YOU ARE MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I WILL LIVE FOR.

love. onward.

the stories of success are always from those with drive, passion and vision for something in life. Even when that vision wasn't what they set out to do, these successful people still had the same resolve in them, translating that resolve onto another vision and going on to achieve a successful life nonetheless.

the stories of successful people in the faith were the same- always from people who had these characteristics. If not in the things of God, then it would be on matters in the secular world (initially), although God would somehow lead them out of it and direct that drive on towards visions pertaining to His. They'd take a 'gamble', put everything into the hands of the Almighty and take the plunge, submitting all their hopes and dreams into His hands, knowing that it'd turn out fine in the end.
usually in those stories, these people did turn out fine, and much more so.

however, the stories of success were always built on these characteristics- plans, dreams and passion. All these words are frequently etched all over that person's life. He had believed in something greater, went on to be bigger than life and achieved... A driven person.
doesn't God always seem to call those kind of people only?

what happens when one doesn't have a drive, passion or vision in his life? what happens to such an individual????
does he live a lukewarm, indifferent life? Merely living between the lines of mediocrity and averages? A specter of a life.
instead of putting every ounce of dream, passion and vision into God's hands, which this particular person is devoid of, He has to do something harder, and that is to put his very life into the Creator's trust- putting life on the line and taking the plunge. He will get down on his knees, pray and ask for himself to be a success, for the Almighty's dreams, passions and visions to be infused into him and for his life, the only thing he has any value of, to be to be sacrificed to His God. He'd have to trust and know that it'll turn out fine in the end, and take that plunge...
what happens? Somehow I believe that such a person will turn out fine, and much more so too... ;)

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me...
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well."

暴风骤雨

抛弃

you won't fail me... all your promises still stand, and I reject anything within me that thinks I am a lesser person or made useless whatsoever. I stand by all the power and authority you have promised to bestow on your sons.

sometimes, I don't even feel any strength or willpower to fight.
sometimes, it feels as though I've got no one backing me up. Actually, I kind of feel that all the time...
but it's alright, I've been there countless times before, and I haven't broken down or died in ANY of those circumstances. In fact, I am the king of gritting my teeth and carrying on despite the load and sadness upon me. I did it, despite all circumstances telling me otherwise.
this time though, I do not want to do this again the same way. I want to do it, with the full knowledge of my God right with me. When no person comes, when there's no form of rescue from anybody for me, I still know that He's got my back always... it will be on his very existence that I live and find mine own. Because His existence is love... and life.
...more than enough for a human being. That's surely the reason to carry on.

--

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Hebrews 13:5,6

Night Fury !

I'm not worth it.

period. all around, there are people 100x better to choose from.

the sluggard destroys himself....the ant is hard working, but ULTIMATELY neither the sluggard nor the ant matters, if you don't etch and root your planning and foundation in something meaningful- Christ Jesus!
-Steve

its retarded that we can't watch the world cup without paying $$$ (I'm poor)

Bloggin from an iPod at rhode island

all never done before

because you have said so, and because you are in authority of me, I will obey.
your advice I will follow.

rhode island. Brown. Pompus.

my prayers for you- all the best :)

I want to be a traveller but 22hrs is just horrible although I got to see sunrise over the pacific

off again

I'm not looking forward to the flight- 22hrs on the plane. + the time difference.
this time round I'll truly experience what it means to feel jet-lagged. I'm up now because there is NO need to sleep- in Rhode island its 12.29PM so I should be wide awake enjoying the afternoon... just doing my bit to keep my body clock in check. ok whatever, excuses.

sometimes I look around me and I truly feel like a kid. All the strife and competition happening amongst my peers just to earn a good job. All that poise and drive just to push oneself into a good career path. I just think I'm not good enough for that...
or rather, I just do not have the competitive zeal within me to fight. All my life I have always let other people overtake me. I think its bad to be too soft- people call that WEAKness.
also, people fight most for that which they truly desire, or what is closest to the heart. Deep down, I know that a corporate career or the cash is definitely not what drives me forward. Is that why I have such poor fighting spirit when it comes to such things? Excuses aside, at this moment, I really do need a job that can support me, or rather, a job would let my parents worry about me no more.

sometimes I look around me and I truly feel like a kid. How come people always think that my second bro is the older, more mature one. Why do I always seem like the young one to everybody. But they have a point there, I look at him and there are times when he does seem like the leader, and the one who's got everything in check.

God, can you make me more of like an older person? someone who'd have more interest in careers and would relish conflict and competition with other people?
God, it doesnt really sound like what you teach. Maybe, can you truly give me your views, your heart and give me the character of a great servant leader? Yet, at the same time, give me a tenacious heart that would be willing to fight for everything that is within your cause.

I know something I really want to fight for right now, but it seems like a pointless cause, because I am fighting against oceans and continents, just to get to you.

SOS

help....
how do I get all that you have taught, said and promised- EVERYTHING... from my head and into my heart?
I know its good to try and be noble and all, but, it still frigging HURTs so much

how come others have it so much easier.

I still stand by everything I've said, but just somehow, please also provide relief. I want my satisfaction and joys to come only from you, given by you.
no other way.

I need your help
I need repair
I need you now.
please hear me God, this sos goes all out to you. I know I don't matter much, but I'm desperate, and the only solution is in the hands of the my maker.
I feel like a loser
I feel broken
I feel distant

a prayer

I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.

--
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2010/5/21/10-days-in-china-i-will-never-forget

today's article in the saturday newspaper almost made me cry.
I totally feel for her parents and family.

"It hardly mattered to them that Hong Yan had been a karaoke lounge hostess, or that she had lied to them about her job and life in Singapore. What mattered most was that whatever she did, even though it may not have been right, was because she wanted something better for her family. To her relatives, she was just a filial daughter, a kind and doting sister."

.l .l

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp31HeN0a6I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUsPy0lvLvc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIqhK6kqmks&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1BwTQwZyB8&feature=related

the pilgram

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine

The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land - GK Chesterton

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered - Nelson Mandela

When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable. - Clifton Fadiman

One's destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things - Henry Miller

Not all who wander are LOST. - Tolkien

XD XD XD XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll2kajMH2u0

incheon airport is world's best airport for 5 yrs in a row???

. sometimes, the hardest choice is to sit back and do nothing at all, knowing that at that point in time, you could've done something rash, brash and possibly even succeed. But by not choosing to do so, the agony and doubts will surely eat one's mind.
160510

Back again, after leaving seoul on a rainy morning. sighh.

You've got perfect timing and I just want to follow it, living under Your wing, your comfort and Your sufficiency. When no one understands me, I know You will.

unconditional love

no matter what...
it doesn't need to be that of romance or fairy tales.
I choose to love unconditionally. In this way,I am also learning, for I've never ever thought of loving someone I am emotionally attached to in that way- I will pray for you, and wish the best for you. I want to see you succeed, and be happy even though I cannot be in the picture. I truly do.
isn't that the love of Christ in us? as opposed to being driven to love only on a skin-deep level & by the flesh. Please let love always be pure, because my God is love

its pain to write this... but I will put trust and faith in Him, He is God of my relationships too. Everything.

beauty

today I saw the sun set over the han river, over the border was north korea and the south was lined with rice fields, fences and guardhouses. It was a beautiful sight...


I just want to be with you... its gonna be pain not seeing you again. (But I guess you will never know it)

against all odds

sometimes its not really fair, when I see people who've scorned me before, or have broken my heart go on with much more success (and joy) in their lives.

in situations like these, how should I react? should I feel happiness for them? It feels so hard to.
most of the time when I meet them face to face, I'd just stand and smile... :D and look as though everything was normal. But deep down, I know I'm concealing some hurt and also, my mind just starts thinking me as the biggest dork loser at the current moment.
I don't know if this feeling is abnormal & I might just be overly sensitive. But hopefully, I can find a solution to such a social issue and someday, truly just be happy for both friend or foe, whenever I see good in their lives.