my soul now to stand

now this blog is starting to become muddled with one liner posts and small chunks of sentences that seem to speak in riddle. maybe that's a reflection of my internal state right now- chaos. The past few days have been super (and that's as good a word I can muster), since I've spammed all of my 'off in-lieus' at one go to create such a blissful weekend.
during this time, I got a chance to see all the people I've known and loved and actually spend time to talk to them, loosen up. Awesome stuff.

miss you Bell, I know you'll read this and I just replied your email so don't scold me the next time we chat online, which will be really soon yah. Final year sux but hey man, look at the past 2 years- you've come so far already :D
miss you Matt (ma-te-uuu accordin to chinese tutor language), glad you 'rediscovered my blog and maybe you'd read this again some time. Singapore flyer was an awesome time together with Sam and Joel. Truly a time off to see Singapore from a perspective again that's beautiful, and i didnt just mean the view...

real Christians, real People [quote learned from Campus Crusade, Metamorphosis 2007]
there's no such thing as a conversation in real life that's like that of the movies and there'll always be the imperfections in relationships. And there are in fact many people or Christians who are trying to live that on-screen style perfect life, where everything is always perfect, the happiness is always high, the mood is always good, the grass is always green, pitch perfect, clean language, non-smoking zones, doing church week in week out. Anything less then that is regarded with disdain. But is that what it really means to live life? Look around you and you'll see so many people who are really, broken. Where do they stand? If you want to keep that perfect life, where will these people get their help from? Be real.

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Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the most faint and mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. ... He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. ... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
- The Screwtape Letters, by C.S Lewis