pure intents - True companionship

everyone does things for love, but is it real love when one does things for another with the idea of pursuing a relationship and getting a partner? Then, that love has to be a little flawed right, because there is an agenda behind it. In the end, a degree of action has been done just for personal satisfaction- to attain a partner/friend for oneself. If so, then that isn't real love after all right?

there are very few people I've met who've cared and loved so much, without any intent of attaining good-will, love, affection or satisfaction back just by doing so. Every other time, people do things with an agenda in mind. That's only natural- I give you a present, I expect to score some friendship points or love votes from the other party. But, is it possible to have love that is just so pure, without any intent or catch?

what do people call that? Agape right?
I guess we can all try, and after reading this, I feel disheartened because the people around me or even I myself do not possess a love such as this.
but take heart: that all of us do have someone with that kind of agape love who loves us, and He lives right in our hearts, if we let Him in. And when He's in you, we can tap on His reservoir of love to give others, because after all, He is love. Maybe someday, He'll give each of us so much more love that we will then finally live as saints. Now I just realised that I used the word love one too many times

ranting out.

the great escape

its all coming together now:
australia, japan, korea, and possibly bali- my travel plans are slowly taking shape. From beautiful autumn, to sakuras, to the beach life, this is one heck of a ride.
I will not look left nor right, only to whatever's ahead. I will stick to to my master plan.

'ni shi na zong shao ye xing xiang, you du su de, bu yao qi zuo ah beng, na zong fa xing bu shi he ni de'
-summarized version of what my hairdresser said to me when I requested to cut lines on the sides.

everton

rocks!!!!!
everton 3 - 1 man utd
totally made me smile.
football rocks, if only I could play with people who were my SIZE, then I can finally use some strength and tenacity when fighting for a ball.

thinking ahead

actually, I'm really scared... that if I do end up attached/married, I won't love my wife enough. We might end up miserable and quarrel all day. We might hate each other after awhile. I'll prob pull on those silent treatments to people I get sick of. I'm really scared that would happen. What if I don't love my partner enough?

sometimes, it might be better not to be married.

waiting for that letter. waiting for that answer

sad.
I hate goodbyes- I never could deal with them. How can someone be so used to setting off or leaving?!? Its really a gift- to be able to easily plug and unplug oneself onto different societies and settings.
stability is better, no need to dream of being that global citizen, that is not who I really am.
anyway, back to the main point, I am sad.

God will show the way
lighting my path
with His ray

please show the solution-
really lost: need conclusion, need resolution

sometimes all my plans and my scheme-
are just so stupid: they're not your means

I don't know what to do-
am just so lost: please pull me through

so...
resolution, conclusion,
that is from your means
as I pull through
Your beautiful scheme

CNY Chu Er

a prayer from one's mouth, man hears
a prayer from one's heart, God hears.

---
talk talk talk talk talk non-stop
is that what its all about?
how about being able to just connect with someone, without the need for words- just being right beside that person, knowing with full comfort, they've got your back.
is there a need to babble so much?

superhero nightmares

yesterday whilst sleeping off in the afternoon, I had a really weird dream: I was walking through a dark alley and upon reaching a bend, I saw an asian girl being tied up with a cloth stuffed up her mouth. She was surrounded by a bunch of ang-moh thugs who were obviously looking to rape and kill her.

as I stood there in shock, one of the thugs sniffed at me and told me to run along as though I didn't see the incident taking place at all. In my mind (within my dream of course), I was at a dillemma because I know something bad is going to take place should no one intervene.

so there I stood, firm on my feet, unwavering, yet taking no action other than gazing in fear and disbelief at the horror before me- because I probably didn't know how to react to those guys. (I think this part was super realistic because in real life, I prob wouldn't be so loud and dashing as how the tv heroes would often react, instead the my indecisive and fearful side of would step in and make me appear dumb and nonreactive on the outside, yet on the inside, my heart is pounding and justice is appealing to the mind for action. So that standing part seems really real to me.)

the thugs, taking the hint that this lone ranger isn't taking the escape route decide to take action, and before I know it, they have sent the whole gang chasing after my head also.

towards the end, I found myself trapped at some house backyard, collapsed on my knees hiding behind a wall with no more energy as I heard the bad guys coming for me. Then, Salvation came. I opened my eyes, and woke up from my dream. My character probably didn't make it, but I guess I did TRY to someone in distress, whether or not I succeeded is another story.

and...
I think I've had one too many afternoon naps

made a difference to that one

u r really a nice guy man
i think u r one of those good ppl that God send in difficult times
haha
esp army

thankssss, at least I know not all is wasted ;)

-------

I'm hurting... somewhere. There is an aspect within me that really needs healing and ministering to.
just can't pin-point it.

it looks like there is a slight CHANCE I will not be working here but overseas. ?Is this right.

ord rambles

I have emerged from this NS experience with some lessons learnt-
for one, it is realizing my limitations. It is to see how useless I really am. It is about realizing that some matters are completely not in your hands. It is also seeing at times how God just takes over and controls those situations, steering me out of the dangers- the miracle unfolding right before me.

army was filled with much worries and problems, and God definitely lets one go through all of it with His mercy- experiencing the downs and pains. But I really believe that this IS true: that God will not let me go through something greater than my threshold. When He knows that you can't take it any further, that hand of mercy will come in and get you out of the struggling pit. I believe this. I have experienced this so many times.
but I guess, its only in the struggle when one truly exercises their muscles. Getting out of a ditch requires a full range of muscles to be used as the person climbs and reaches up for safety. At the end of it, when I look at myself, I see how much God has unconsciously strengthened my entire being through the struggles. Inner strength is forged. True shape reveals. This is who I really am.

"this is the real Jeremy"
wow, profound words there, I was struck when you actually said that.

I don't know about the future, but I do know the One who holds it, and He is someone who loves you and only wants the best for you.