all never done before
because you have said so, and because you are in authority of me, I will obey.
your advice I will follow.
rhode island. Brown. Pompus.
my prayers for you- all the best :)
I want to be a traveller but 22hrs is just horrible although I got to see sunrise over the pacific
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
off again
I'm not looking forward to the flight- 22hrs on the plane. + the time difference.
this time round I'll truly experience what it means to feel jet-lagged. I'm up now because there is NO need to sleep- in Rhode island its 12.29PM so I should be wide awake enjoying the afternoon... just doing my bit to keep my body clock in check. ok whatever, excuses.
sometimes I look around me and I truly feel like a kid. All the strife and competition happening amongst my peers just to earn a good job. All that poise and drive just to push oneself into a good career path. I just think I'm not good enough for that...
or rather, I just do not have the competitive zeal within me to fight. All my life I have always let other people overtake me. I think its bad to be too soft- people call that WEAKness.
also, people fight most for that which they truly desire, or what is closest to the heart. Deep down, I know that a corporate career or the cash is definitely not what drives me forward. Is that why I have such poor fighting spirit when it comes to such things? Excuses aside, at this moment, I really do need a job that can support me, or rather, a job would let my parents worry about me no more.
sometimes I look around me and I truly feel like a kid. How come people always think that my second bro is the older, more mature one. Why do I always seem like the young one to everybody. But they have a point there, I look at him and there are times when he does seem like the leader, and the one who's got everything in check.
God, can you make me more of like an older person? someone who'd have more interest in careers and would relish conflict and competition with other people?
God, it doesnt really sound like what you teach. Maybe, can you truly give me your views, your heart and give me the character of a great servant leader? Yet, at the same time, give me a tenacious heart that would be willing to fight for everything that is within your cause.
I know something I really want to fight for right now, but it seems like a pointless cause, because I am fighting against oceans and continents, just to get to you.
this time round I'll truly experience what it means to feel jet-lagged. I'm up now because there is NO need to sleep- in Rhode island its 12.29PM so I should be wide awake enjoying the afternoon... just doing my bit to keep my body clock in check. ok whatever, excuses.
sometimes I look around me and I truly feel like a kid. All the strife and competition happening amongst my peers just to earn a good job. All that poise and drive just to push oneself into a good career path. I just think I'm not good enough for that...
or rather, I just do not have the competitive zeal within me to fight. All my life I have always let other people overtake me. I think its bad to be too soft- people call that WEAKness.
also, people fight most for that which they truly desire, or what is closest to the heart. Deep down, I know that a corporate career or the cash is definitely not what drives me forward. Is that why I have such poor fighting spirit when it comes to such things? Excuses aside, at this moment, I really do need a job that can support me, or rather, a job would let my parents worry about me no more.
sometimes I look around me and I truly feel like a kid. How come people always think that my second bro is the older, more mature one. Why do I always seem like the young one to everybody. But they have a point there, I look at him and there are times when he does seem like the leader, and the one who's got everything in check.
God, can you make me more of like an older person? someone who'd have more interest in careers and would relish conflict and competition with other people?
God, it doesnt really sound like what you teach. Maybe, can you truly give me your views, your heart and give me the character of a great servant leader? Yet, at the same time, give me a tenacious heart that would be willing to fight for everything that is within your cause.
I know something I really want to fight for right now, but it seems like a pointless cause, because I am fighting against oceans and continents, just to get to you.
Monday, May 24, 2010
SOS
help....
how do I get all that you have taught, said and promised- EVERYTHING... from my head and into my heart?
I know its good to try and be noble and all, but, it still frigging HURTs so much
how come others have it so much easier.
I still stand by everything I've said, but just somehow, please also provide relief. I want my satisfaction and joys to come only from you, given by you.
no other way.
I need your help
I need repair
I need you now.
please hear me God, this sos goes all out to you. I know I don't matter much, but I'm desperate, and the only solution is in the hands of the my maker.
I feel like a loser
I feel broken
I feel distant
how do I get all that you have taught, said and promised- EVERYTHING... from my head and into my heart?
I know its good to try and be noble and all, but, it still frigging HURTs so much
how come others have it so much easier.
I still stand by everything I've said, but just somehow, please also provide relief. I want my satisfaction and joys to come only from you, given by you.
no other way.
I need your help
I need repair
I need you now.
please hear me God, this sos goes all out to you. I know I don't matter much, but I'm desperate, and the only solution is in the hands of the my maker.
I feel like a loser
I feel broken
I feel distant
Saturday, May 22, 2010
a prayer
I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
--
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2010/5/21/10-days-in-china-i-will-never-forget
today's article in the saturday newspaper almost made me cry.
I totally feel for her parents and family.
"It hardly mattered to them that Hong Yan had been a karaoke lounge hostess, or that she had lied to them about her job and life in Singapore. What mattered most was that whatever she did, even though it may not have been right, was because she wanted something better for her family. To her relatives, she was just a filial daughter, a kind and doting sister."
--
http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2010/5/21/10-days-in-china-i-will-never-forget
today's article in the saturday newspaper almost made me cry.
I totally feel for her parents and family.
"It hardly mattered to them that Hong Yan had been a karaoke lounge hostess, or that she had lied to them about her job and life in Singapore. What mattered most was that whatever she did, even though it may not have been right, was because she wanted something better for her family. To her relatives, she was just a filial daughter, a kind and doting sister."
Friday, May 21, 2010
.l .l
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp31HeN0a6I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUsPy0lvLvc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIqhK6kqmks&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1BwTQwZyB8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUsPy0lvLvc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIqhK6kqmks&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1BwTQwZyB8&feature=related
Thursday, May 20, 2010
the pilgram
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine
The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land - GK Chesterton
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered - Nelson Mandela
When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable. - Clifton Fadiman
One's destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things - Henry Miller
Not all who wander are LOST. - Tolkien
The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land - GK Chesterton
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered - Nelson Mandela
When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable. - Clifton Fadiman
One's destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things - Henry Miller
Not all who wander are LOST. - Tolkien
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
incheon airport is world's best airport for 5 yrs in a row???
. sometimes, the hardest choice is to sit back and do nothing at all, knowing that at that point in time, you could've done something rash, brash and possibly even succeed. But by not choosing to do so, the agony and doubts will surely eat one's mind.
160510
Back again, after leaving seoul on a rainy morning. sighh.
You've got perfect timing and I just want to follow it, living under Your wing, your comfort and Your sufficiency. When no one understands me, I know You will.
160510
Back again, after leaving seoul on a rainy morning. sighh.
You've got perfect timing and I just want to follow it, living under Your wing, your comfort and Your sufficiency. When no one understands me, I know You will.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
unconditional love
no matter what...
it doesn't need to be that of romance or fairy tales.
I choose to love unconditionally. In this way,I am also learning, for I've never ever thought of loving someone I am emotionally attached to in that way- I will pray for you, and wish the best for you. I want to see you succeed, and be happy even though I cannot be in the picture. I truly do.
isn't that the love of Christ in us? as opposed to being driven to love only on a skin-deep level & by the flesh. Please let love always be pure, because my God is love
its pain to write this... but I will put trust and faith in Him, He is God of my relationships too. Everything.
it doesn't need to be that of romance or fairy tales.
I choose to love unconditionally. In this way,I am also learning, for I've never ever thought of loving someone I am emotionally attached to in that way- I will pray for you, and wish the best for you. I want to see you succeed, and be happy even though I cannot be in the picture. I truly do.
isn't that the love of Christ in us? as opposed to being driven to love only on a skin-deep level & by the flesh. Please let love always be pure, because my God is love
its pain to write this... but I will put trust and faith in Him, He is God of my relationships too. Everything.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
beauty
today I saw the sun set over the han river, over the border was north korea and the south was lined with rice fields, fences and guardhouses. It was a beautiful sight...
I just want to be with you... its gonna be pain not seeing you again. (But I guess you will never know it)
I just want to be with you... its gonna be pain not seeing you again. (But I guess you will never know it)
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
against all odds
sometimes its not really fair, when I see people who've scorned me before, or have broken my heart go on with much more success (and joy) in their lives.
in situations like these, how should I react? should I feel happiness for them? It feels so hard to.
most of the time when I meet them face to face, I'd just stand and smile... :D and look as though everything was normal. But deep down, I know I'm concealing some hurt and also, my mind just starts thinking me as the biggest dork loser at the current moment.
I don't know if this feeling is abnormal & I might just be overly sensitive. But hopefully, I can find a solution to such a social issue and someday, truly just be happy for both friend or foe, whenever I see good in their lives.
in situations like these, how should I react? should I feel happiness for them? It feels so hard to.
most of the time when I meet them face to face, I'd just stand and smile... :D and look as though everything was normal. But deep down, I know I'm concealing some hurt and also, my mind just starts thinking me as the biggest dork loser at the current moment.
I don't know if this feeling is abnormal & I might just be overly sensitive. But hopefully, I can find a solution to such a social issue and someday, truly just be happy for both friend or foe, whenever I see good in their lives.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Melancholia
The Awakening
By Virginia Marie Swift
A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening...
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.
You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Copyright 2001 Virginia Marie Swift
ok, I know you're definitely gonna be LOL at this post cos its super girly, but I still believe, deep down somewhere within me, I am a girl trapped in a guy's body. omg what'd I just say.
By Virginia Marie Swift
A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening...
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.
You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Copyright 2001 Virginia Marie Swift
ok, I know you're definitely gonna be LOL at this post cos its super girly, but I still believe, deep down somewhere within me, I am a girl trapped in a guy's body. omg what'd I just say.
Monday, May 03, 2010
a reminder
please let me not be selfish
I don't want to pursue someone purely because of beauty
*not that I will succeed*
please remind me always your providence is always the best (choice)
please limit my mind and let it only pursue you
please let me never turn proud (ever)
please let these ramblings not just be another night's worth of gibberish
please somehow let me feel your heart
and let me accept and finally surrender to you
please take away all my worries
please be with me even in the mundane
please let me accept truly in my heart that your providence is the best
please distill the doubts within, or, help me to get by them
I hate it when those doubts eat through my mind
please let me accept and know that you're always leading me through
my life doesn't need to be run by a typical script- please be in charge of where I go
please give me peace
and serenity
I don't want to pursue someone purely because of beauty
*not that I will succeed*
please remind me always your providence is always the best (choice)
please limit my mind and let it only pursue you
please let me never turn proud (ever)
please let these ramblings not just be another night's worth of gibberish
please somehow let me feel your heart
and let me accept and finally surrender to you
please take away all my worries
please be with me even in the mundane
please let me accept truly in my heart that your providence is the best
please distill the doubts within, or, help me to get by them
I hate it when those doubts eat through my mind
please let me accept and know that you're always leading me through
my life doesn't need to be run by a typical script- please be in charge of where I go
please give me peace
and serenity
Sunday, May 02, 2010
幸福是什麼
love computer hardware
love repairing computers
love overclocking
rediscovering that it's always been in me, even though I try to shrug it off, with physical activities, with other 'cooler' stuff... guess you can't take the geek out of a person.
its just about being who you really are, only then will one's real passions be revealed.
love repairing computers
love overclocking
rediscovering that it's always been in me, even though I try to shrug it off, with physical activities, with other 'cooler' stuff... guess you can't take the geek out of a person.
its just about being who you really are, only then will one's real passions be revealed.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
unexpected
was super encouraged today...
not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25
The communion of saints is a great help and privilege, and a means of steadfastness and perseverance. We should observe the coming of times of trial, and be thereby quickened to greater diligence. (Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible is available in the Public Domain.)
expected nothing but came out with my heart feeling so much more at ease
not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25
The communion of saints is a great help and privilege, and a means of steadfastness and perseverance. We should observe the coming of times of trial, and be thereby quickened to greater diligence. (Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible is available in the Public Domain.)
expected nothing but came out with my heart feeling so much more at ease
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