The time that I have left
is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for You
I haven't seen her in ages, she took so good care of me before.
but today when I saw her, I couldn't even remember her name. We talked briefly and caught up for awhile.
before she left, her embrace said it all. I felt total warmth and that love she always gives.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
on this island I promise to build Your temple...
...was it good enough?
I will learn from this
Regina Spektor - The Call
this song springs up at the last part of Narnia and is also the best part of the movie- why? because it shows the 4 kids having to leave... forsake a life of greatness and kingship, to accept going back into a world where they are lowly, to accept going back into a life of drudgery again- From kings to a mere highschool students. It is a big fall.
yet, they still do it, after talking to the lion. Isn't it what gave them the conviction to go back? The talk with Jesus, as He tells you that it is best to step off that great life that you're living and so comfortable with, where everything is for you... to step off and take the plunge into that unknown passageway that leads into a life that's not very appealing.
I have to plunge into something I dread. But He knows what is best.
walking into a rich house, seeing the sports cars and the many, many other well-priced cars... they could build so many churches with those things! They could've used it for a greater, far more worthwhile cause.
if i can't be a missionary, let me be a martyr
I will become even more undignified than this.
I will learn from this
Regina Spektor - The Call
this song springs up at the last part of Narnia and is also the best part of the movie- why? because it shows the 4 kids having to leave... forsake a life of greatness and kingship, to accept going back into a world where they are lowly, to accept going back into a life of drudgery again- From kings to a mere highschool students. It is a big fall.
yet, they still do it, after talking to the lion. Isn't it what gave them the conviction to go back? The talk with Jesus, as He tells you that it is best to step off that great life that you're living and so comfortable with, where everything is for you... to step off and take the plunge into that unknown passageway that leads into a life that's not very appealing.
I have to plunge into something I dread. But He knows what is best.
walking into a rich house, seeing the sports cars and the many, many other well-priced cars... they could build so many churches with those things! They could've used it for a greater, far more worthwhile cause.
if i can't be a missionary, let me be a martyr
I will become even more undignified than this.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
botak is temporary, handsome is forever...
the saying amongst the bald men who live on the island.
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.
no matter what, I want to be able to say this confidently too.
...temple building is hard work.
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.
no matter what, I want to be able to say this confidently too.
...temple building is hard work.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
tears
what have i done
they all hate me now...
how did it end up like this
to feel wrath from one is bad enough
but to feel the wrath of so many people
gut wrenching
how now?
how can a rejected person be used?
are You still with me
they all hate me now...
how did it end up like this
to feel wrath from one is bad enough
but to feel the wrath of so many people
gut wrenching
how now?
how can a rejected person be used?
are You still with me
Monday, May 19, 2008
there is pleasure in watching pain
I have survived the jungles!! but this week holds another outfield visit- 3 days, 2 nights (sit test). Please keep this super unsoldier fella in prayer.
help me to to be a 'human being' rather than a 'human doing'- always trying to justify my worth with power and actions. It is only by your enabling that I will be able to do so and rise above it all. I have tried to hard to be a Christian, but have I been trying as hard to pursue and chase Your very heart at this point? Out of the wreckage I will rise. Inspired to live simply knowing that I'm held in Your love and that's all that matters.
will miss you loads...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
struck down, not destroyed
pain. am currently limping. I have sprained my ankle from jumping off the ramp during soc. I need to be well before going outfield.
outfield outfield. this is it... 6 days in the jungles. God, when I go into the jungle, help to to be rambo.
outfield outfield. this is it... 6 days in the jungles. God, when I go into the jungle, help to to be rambo.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
on jacob's ladder I plant a cross
starting small...
I've managed to gather 3 other Christian bros within my platoon to form a lil prayer grp. Please pray that for us, that we'll be able to meet up to share, confide and keep each other strong in prayer as we draw close to God during a time where circumstances and emotions scream against Him.
the next 2 weeks are quite tiring and probably gonna be the toughest time yet- this week is live range (which may not sound that bad) and after that is 6 days out in the jungles (which sounds really bad). Please pray for me, for I am still dealing pretty badly with the HOT weather- My last outfield trip was a disaster cos I actually blacked out and had to be taken to rest. (honestly, that was the scariest moment in my army experience so far) I am going to need His strength and favor.
I know I know He won't fail me.
God will not allow you to go through something greater than what you can handle. My bro told me this, that if He has allowed you to go into the jungles, then surely, He has given you sufficient grace to get through it. I'm clinging onto Him.
now off I go again... If you're a civilian and reading this, please... send encouragements, send updates [on your civilian lives], send hope, send prayers, for I am in need of much uplifting. thanks.
when Jesus was on the cross, He lost everything, but Jesus was not lost.
let it be so, that whilst people scream for success, for the spotlight, for the intent of being seen, I'll do likewise. In everything I do, I stand for Him. I'll follow the Son. It is easy to write this, but how easy it is when one is at total fatigue, when every part of you is destroyed, when your mind and your actual body movements actually show a momentary lag... now then, let actions speak louder than words.
I've managed to gather 3 other Christian bros within my platoon to form a lil prayer grp. Please pray that for us, that we'll be able to meet up to share, confide and keep each other strong in prayer as we draw close to God during a time where circumstances and emotions scream against Him.
the next 2 weeks are quite tiring and probably gonna be the toughest time yet- this week is live range (which may not sound that bad) and after that is 6 days out in the jungles (which sounds really bad). Please pray for me, for I am still dealing pretty badly with the HOT weather- My last outfield trip was a disaster cos I actually blacked out and had to be taken to rest. (honestly, that was the scariest moment in my army experience so far) I am going to need His strength and favor.
I know I know He won't fail me.
God will not allow you to go through something greater than what you can handle. My bro told me this, that if He has allowed you to go into the jungles, then surely, He has given you sufficient grace to get through it. I'm clinging onto Him.
now off I go again... If you're a civilian and reading this, please... send encouragements, send updates [on your civilian lives], send hope, send prayers, for I am in need of much uplifting. thanks.
when Jesus was on the cross, He lost everything, but Jesus was not lost.
let it be so, that whilst people scream for success, for the spotlight, for the intent of being seen, I'll do likewise. In everything I do, I stand for Him. I'll follow the Son. It is easy to write this, but how easy it is when one is at total fatigue, when every part of you is destroyed, when your mind and your actual body movements actually show a momentary lag... now then, let actions speak louder than words.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
don't fail me now my lady
Psalm 34
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
falling...
Falling is the first thing I feel.
Distant voices echo inside my head.
Their orders are clear,and yet all I can think about is the others.
Remiel
Uriel
Amitiel
Ithuriel
Raphael
Michael
Each one traveled the same path.
What was their fate?
What awaits me on the other side?
They have gone to a place where the light is cursed and darkness blinds the soul.
This is a place where even angels fear to tread.
Forgive me.
Distant voices echo inside my head.
Their orders are clear,and yet all I can think about is the others.
Remiel
Uriel
Amitiel
Ithuriel
Raphael
Michael
Each one traveled the same path.
What was their fate?
What awaits me on the other side?
They have gone to a place where the light is cursed and darkness blinds the soul.
This is a place where even angels fear to tread.
Forgive me.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
close my eyes...
remember no cries, just mental pictures of happy times.
the ascension to a higher plane...
3 months of dwelling there ...
blissfulness…
but it is now time to come down…
to step back into the valleys of life
the last 2 weeks...oh I should’ve already been in the army by then, but what a turnaround- despondency turned to joy as I had been given the chance to complete bible school properly. How I fought so hard just to get those last 14 days. You may ask… was it worthwhile?
most definitely!
I have experienced the 3 months in Full, and now, I go on to the next phase of life knowing God has blessed and built me during that time in preparation to move on. I will be fully equipped and ready for what He'll lead me to next.
------
where I go, no one will follow. I go it alone.
where I go seems all bleak and hazy, and no one will come with me
metaphorically, I feel like I’m plunging into an abyss.
With eyes shut and my entire state being filled with fear and uncertainly, I take the jump, hoping that He’ll catch me when I fall, because at this point, I don’t know how else I will be delivered.
filled with frailties and negativity, I’ll jump, placing trust in strength and optimism that is not from me.
where I go, you don’t follow.
If I be broken, let your prayers engulf me.
the ascension to a higher plane...
3 months of dwelling there ...
blissfulness…
but it is now time to come down…
to step back into the valleys of life
the last 2 weeks...oh I should’ve already been in the army by then, but what a turnaround- despondency turned to joy as I had been given the chance to complete bible school properly. How I fought so hard just to get those last 14 days. You may ask… was it worthwhile?
most definitely!
I have experienced the 3 months in Full, and now, I go on to the next phase of life knowing God has blessed and built me during that time in preparation to move on. I will be fully equipped and ready for what He'll lead me to next.
------
where I go, no one will follow. I go it alone.
where I go seems all bleak and hazy, and no one will come with me
metaphorically, I feel like I’m plunging into an abyss.
With eyes shut and my entire state being filled with fear and uncertainly, I take the jump, hoping that He’ll catch me when I fall, because at this point, I don’t know how else I will be delivered.
filled with frailties and negativity, I’ll jump, placing trust in strength and optimism that is not from me.
where I go, you don’t follow.
If I be broken, let your prayers engulf me.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
eternity
oh its been so long.
my last post was meant to give glory to God for my exam results. I think I have failed to glorify Him as much as I could have, shortchanging what He's given me in the process. What an ungrateful being I can sometimes be... shouldn't I have been so compelled to just shout for joy and praise God in worship. He deserved so much more.
snippets of thoughts a couple of days of arrival back home:
hi, its me. i'm back in SIN. am I ready for the next phase of life? mentally, I doubt it. There is the little part of my mind, just somehow creating a wild hope, a little spark that does not refuse to carry on. As if I'm still a student, telling my entire self that, i'd still somehow return to melbourne. that part of me is strong... it manifests itself in my habits, like im still refusing to unpack my stuff, as if i'd only be around for a little while, before flying off again.
the silent depression and tears in my heart. only that no one knows how i feel. All the sighs when i'm moving around. no, it doesnt mean that i'm sad to be around family and friends, but i just really miss my previous life. A resident alien? i have grown accustomed to both the lands. Mastery of cross culture. both have become my homegrounds. I have to choose... do i already know my choice?
Goodbye,
SIGH
i look ahead once again towards a new phase in life, and honestly, I feel so afraid and uncertain.... but faith does not go by feelings. and that the important thing is who i am in God, and not what i will become
currently, feelings... overwhelmed
friends... miss them so much
future... bleak
weather... not helping
give me the strength to soldier on...
I know his blessings have been upon me, it always has. I am aware of it all the time... let my expression manifest it
....
its been so many 3 mths already. How time flies.
God is amazing
my last post was meant to give glory to God for my exam results. I think I have failed to glorify Him as much as I could have, shortchanging what He's given me in the process. What an ungrateful being I can sometimes be... shouldn't I have been so compelled to just shout for joy and praise God in worship. He deserved so much more.
snippets of thoughts a couple of days of arrival back home:
hi, its me. i'm back in SIN. am I ready for the next phase of life? mentally, I doubt it. There is the little part of my mind, just somehow creating a wild hope, a little spark that does not refuse to carry on. As if I'm still a student, telling my entire self that, i'd still somehow return to melbourne. that part of me is strong... it manifests itself in my habits, like im still refusing to unpack my stuff, as if i'd only be around for a little while, before flying off again.
the silent depression and tears in my heart. only that no one knows how i feel. All the sighs when i'm moving around. no, it doesnt mean that i'm sad to be around family and friends, but i just really miss my previous life. A resident alien? i have grown accustomed to both the lands. Mastery of cross culture. both have become my homegrounds. I have to choose... do i already know my choice?
Goodbye,
SIGH
i look ahead once again towards a new phase in life, and honestly, I feel so afraid and uncertain.... but faith does not go by feelings. and that the important thing is who i am in God, and not what i will become
currently, feelings... overwhelmed
friends... miss them so much
future... bleak
weather... not helping
give me the strength to soldier on...
I know his blessings have been upon me, it always has. I am aware of it all the time... let my expression manifest it
....
its been so many 3 mths already. How time flies.
God is amazing
Friday, December 07, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
this time Jesus ...
...how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through between the altar and the door
how come the sudden interest? I was never in your group anyway. Where did the kindness come from? You used to scorn people like me. You actually treat people like dirt. I remember my friends, you weren't one of them.
how come the sudden interest? I was never in your group anyway. Where did the kindness come from? You used to scorn people like me. You actually treat people like dirt. I remember my friends, you weren't one of them.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
pain...
“True love is when you have to watch a friend leave, with the knowledge that you might never see him again. But you know he'll be in your mind and heart forever.”
Bell, I miss you
Bell, I miss you
Monday, November 12, 2007
break my heart for what breaks yours...
everything I am for your kingdom's cause
I wish... that time would just stand still, that everything remains as it is, just for now. stay. stay the same and let nothing change.
its ironic isn't it, I'm suffering at this very instance, yet I don't want time to go on.
on a more practical sense, I guess I do need more hours to study.
worries worries worries. 'I guess I'm a worrier, that's why my friends call me whiskers...'
am I alright? what will happen? will it work out? will I pass? success? are my needs met? is there love? and joy? is the best behind me? do I go it alone...?
I'm not feeling it. rise me above the storm, above life, where I can see from a holistic picture. just to know...
but is there any good in knowing?
did I really mean it when I wrote first line...
it all seems so contradictory.
I have professed so much in words, but have my actions backed them up? or is it just a case of not doing what you preach.
exam routines are great: breakfast at lunch and dinner at supper. sleep is weird. breaks are frequent. thoughts go haywire.
Praise Him.
I wish... that time would just stand still, that everything remains as it is, just for now. stay. stay the same and let nothing change.
its ironic isn't it, I'm suffering at this very instance, yet I don't want time to go on.
on a more practical sense, I guess I do need more hours to study.
worries worries worries. 'I guess I'm a worrier, that's why my friends call me whiskers...'
am I alright? what will happen? will it work out? will I pass? success? are my needs met? is there love? and joy? is the best behind me? do I go it alone...?
I'm not feeling it. rise me above the storm, above life, where I can see from a holistic picture. just to know...
but is there any good in knowing?
did I really mean it when I wrote first line...
it all seems so contradictory.
I have professed so much in words, but have my actions backed them up? or is it just a case of not doing what you preach.
exam routines are great: breakfast at lunch and dinner at supper. sleep is weird. breaks are frequent. thoughts go haywire.
Praise Him.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
let this post be an oct one
so ends uni and my final semester.
I wanted to write about what's been happening lately... and the events of october but unfortunately, the exams have arrived and I was too lazy prior to that to update the post. bugger.
Now, I write this in a state of tiredness and my mind refuses to remember anything eventful at all... not that my life hasnt been eventful, its been fantastic so far. Lovin it.
I guess I'm kindda sad at the revelation of a one final departure from Melbourne. I hate to say this, but this place has also become home to me. I mean, I literally grew through my entire youth here, from 16 to 22. Its become familiar, and the future... seems uncertain- What I do not know, I fear. Coming and going as an international student used to be really fearful, as one has to cope with changes and new experiences all the time. I used to be really really scared of that. Now, I'm leaving that stage, and moving on.
ayy. just as I've grown accustomed to taking on the persona of an international student, it is now time to move on. God's bringing me forward once again, to another uncharted chapter of life. But I know deep down, I am so much stronger than I used to be. The battle is all in the mind.
I feel so sad leaving friends here, especially my my brothers and sisters at church. Why God? why did you allow people to come into my life, only to separate and take them out of my life again. I love them God... deep down I already know the solution- He holds the answers.
love the pair of running shoes they bought for me. Its so sentimental now. In it, holds the power of my friends. I see their love. I see their investment in me. The power of my shoe will spur me on when I run. The power of my friends.
as I write this, it is the 11th of Nov. I've got 2 more papers this coming thurs and fri. I am Least prepared for those, as I've put so much effort into the first 2. scared and stressed. Just praying for divine intervention and blessings.
how come I don't feel at all excited about going home? (Lav, I know you're gonna hit me for saying that) How come I see the future and it looks so hazy. How come the outlook is so bleak. That was not what I had in mind when I first set off to study. The mindset has changed: what happened to the plan of just 'hanging in there' and holding out for the nxt couple of years for the sake of education? It's not like that anymore. I saw so much promise in home. where is that promise...
be positive.
I wanted to write about what's been happening lately... and the events of october but unfortunately, the exams have arrived and I was too lazy prior to that to update the post. bugger.
Now, I write this in a state of tiredness and my mind refuses to remember anything eventful at all... not that my life hasnt been eventful, its been fantastic so far. Lovin it.
I guess I'm kindda sad at the revelation of a one final departure from Melbourne. I hate to say this, but this place has also become home to me. I mean, I literally grew through my entire youth here, from 16 to 22. Its become familiar, and the future... seems uncertain- What I do not know, I fear. Coming and going as an international student used to be really fearful, as one has to cope with changes and new experiences all the time. I used to be really really scared of that. Now, I'm leaving that stage, and moving on.
ayy. just as I've grown accustomed to taking on the persona of an international student, it is now time to move on. God's bringing me forward once again, to another uncharted chapter of life. But I know deep down, I am so much stronger than I used to be. The battle is all in the mind.
I feel so sad leaving friends here, especially my my brothers and sisters at church. Why God? why did you allow people to come into my life, only to separate and take them out of my life again. I love them God... deep down I already know the solution- He holds the answers.
love the pair of running shoes they bought for me. Its so sentimental now. In it, holds the power of my friends. I see their love. I see their investment in me. The power of my shoe will spur me on when I run. The power of my friends.
as I write this, it is the 11th of Nov. I've got 2 more papers this coming thurs and fri. I am Least prepared for those, as I've put so much effort into the first 2. scared and stressed. Just praying for divine intervention and blessings.
how come I don't feel at all excited about going home? (Lav, I know you're gonna hit me for saying that) How come I see the future and it looks so hazy. How come the outlook is so bleak. That was not what I had in mind when I first set off to study. The mindset has changed: what happened to the plan of just 'hanging in there' and holding out for the nxt couple of years for the sake of education? It's not like that anymore. I saw so much promise in home. where is that promise...
be positive.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
1
didnt want to see her go
but it had to happen
but it shouldnt even be happening.
I am doing something so wrong.
but it had to happen
but it shouldnt even be happening.
I am doing something so wrong.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
rescue oh Lord, to think less of me, and more of You.
Search my O God and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties
And see if there is any wicked way in me
And lead me in the way everlasting
help me to worship and love you God, even if every ounce of my flash refuses to
I offer devotion. restore passion, restore my mind, to be compelled to reach out for you
Search my O God and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties
And see if there is any wicked way in me
And lead me in the way everlasting
help me to worship and love you God, even if every ounce of my flash refuses to
I offer devotion. restore passion, restore my mind, to be compelled to reach out for you
Monday, September 03, 2007
stone
sorry for being passionless. please help me in my life.
I'm held by You, only You. Nothing in this world is secure.
I'm held by You, only You. Nothing in this world is secure.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
till I see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home, I'll trust in you
need running shoes!
it might help me remember how to run
I can't run.
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