Sunday, March 25, 2007

God, please help me

No one, or nothing else can

Sunday, March 18, 2007

gui ji

zen me yin cang wo de bei shang
shi qu ni de di fang
ni de fa xiang san de cong mang
wo yi jing gen bu shang

bi shang yan jing hai neng kan jian
ni li qu de hen ji
zai yue guang xia yi zhi zhao xun
na xiang nian de shen ying

ru guo shuo fen shou shi ku tong de qi dian
na zai zhong dian zhi qian wo yuan yi zai ai yi bian
xiang yao dui ni shuo de bu gan shuo de ai
hui bu hui you ren ke yi ming bai

wo hui fa zhe dai ran hou wang ji ni
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
xiang zhe na yi tian hui you ren dai ti
rang wo bu zai xiang nian ni
wo hui fa zhe dai ran hou wei wei xiao
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
you xiang le yi bian ni wen rou de lian
zai wo wang ji zhi qian

xin li de yan lei mo hu le shi xian
ni yi kuai kan bu jian

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I HAVE Internet!!!

no more late nights with my good fren the china man!

it came in a parcel... packaged. A gift from the God! (purposely left out the 's' although it sounds better with it)
yayyyy

Saturday, March 10, 2007

I HAVE a landline!

...and soon to have ADSL connected at my home (oooh yea! x2)
its about time man, service in Australia Crawlss.

mondays are horrible- 7 hours of lessons non-stop. I've started lunching in the lecture hall itself. chomping on my sandwich in the midst of younger peers, I've realized how far I've come. Behold, I, an ancient dinosaur year 5 student! [yikes] getting old man...

Man, everyone's so hard working! I need to click into student mode.
... school's barely started and here I am thinking about easter, holidays and the trip to Sydney. urgh, slap. I think I've been in here for too long.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Update

uni's began, which is finally about time. My brain's in total chaos, studying once again will be a task. Well, the only hard subject looks like entrepreneurial finance which seems to have a fair bit of math, formulas, theories and number crunchin, but hey, I've been there, done that... Others like entrepreneurial ventures, product and brand management (a prev NUS lecturer) and HR management seem pretty alright.

I stayed till 12am at my fac on monday just to use the internet, which gives me nerd status already for being a rare breed of student who stays at uni till wee hours on the very first day of school. Other titles and expressions I got about this matter via msn were 'mad' 'crazy person' and 'what da heckkk???'.
a 2nd year dude who helped me setup my wireless connection whilst I was there was going like 'woah, don't worry, when I was in First Year, I was also very blur about this sorta thing, you'll get to know all these things after awhile... what year are you in by the way?' woah lao eh, dude, I'm like 5th year man, super old and veteran already. He must be like "what the heck?!?! this guy's 5th year and still so blur", but no, he's a china man, so that phrase will probably be in chinese: "na ge ren yi jing study 5 nian le, hai shi na me blur, shi zai wu yao ke qiu[fit any cheng yu here]"

sigh, I'll never be accustomed to live in 2 places. Its really really strange how I can leave Singapore feeling so SAD when I was like so keen to come back here in the first place. Leaving Melbourne to Singapore=SAD, leaving Singapore to Melbourne=SAD. arrrrrrrgggghhhh. why why why
only God can make sense of these sort of situations. I mean, as humans, its quite hard to understand why he allows us to disconnect with people at a time when we wish they'd be able to be with us. Be it going overseas, breakups, separation etc. But, He sees the bigger picture of it all. We may feel disheartened and sad about the situation, of course. It's only normal. But he wants us to put our faith on him, knowing that he'd guide us on to a brighter future, even though everything around seems bleak and somewhat impossible. Now this is the extra step we must take, on top of that sadness and separation. As I kept pursuing him in prayer, his assurance to me was found in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It's his promise to me now and I'll cling onto to it forever...

same story once again, I've been SICK and RECOVERING. usual usual usual!!! Always sick, and always in the midst of recovering, before getting into another virus attack yet again.

and I still do not have an internet connection...yet.

LAVINIA, COME TO MELBOURNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 26, 2007

I've got NO internet

for now....

currently at ICT bulding (my faculty), leeching off its wireless connection. It's getting late... won't be long now... before the security dude's gonna chase me out.

oh, Hello world, I'm fine!! sorry Sa TAN, I'll overcome.

Weather's been hot, I've got diahorrea and sore throat. I think it was frm yesterday's food at the dodgy footscray road stalls.
It was great though, there was still the feel of CNY festvity at the fair, despite leaving home.

when going down, its the people around you that bring you back up. Thanks so much.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

couple more days...

soon, I'll be leaving again...

irrational hopelessness.
some fear.
clinging to the past as one does not dare face the future.

please help me to psych my body up into a proactive mode. I need that push, that extra thrust... my energy levels are far too low.

packing early is never possible. My room's in a state of chaos. Objects everywhere, all waiting to be attended to.

but hey, I've done this so many times already.



CNY was so late this year! Thank God I'm always around for it. It was great. I Love my cousins. Now to get my hands on those family photos...

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Are you ready?

1 more week... its almost time
don't worry, I have super healing powers (or not)

the holidays have basically flown by once again, with too much relaxation + too little brain + physical activities. Yes, it's a good time for 1 more year of studies...

that calls for adjustments once again. adaptation. There is a need for stability, after living a nomad's life for far too long. Too many changed venues and relationships. Stop.

it's when you're in-between that tears. Advice was to decide on one and commit to it. I think I never did. But it brought me to this point: that both I love. But in doing so, I became a ghost, never material in one.

I hate the voices in my head. I hate that lethargy. But I'm gonna miss alot too. There was never a need to fight inner demons, when you have the fellowship of people that edify.

am I ready?

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

relationships

when meeting a Christian, a fellow brother or sister, we Edify.
when meeting a non-believer, one who doesn't know salvation, we Evangelize.
simple.
...
and welcome Faith to my blog!! thanks for agreeing to redesign this boring site. lol
...
oh, and Singapore just beat Thailand 2-1. What a great penalty!!!! I came back in time to see the Thai team protest and sulk at the ref. They were even about to leave the pitch! where's the sportsmanship man

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

above life

O God, be Thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem dear unto me if only Thou art glorified in my life. Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shall be above all, though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth. Be Thou exalted above my comforts. Though it mean the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses, I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee. Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honour, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me decrease that Thou mayest increase; let me sink that Thou mayest rise above. Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the humble little beast, a colt, the foal of an ass, and let me hear the children cry to Thee, 'Hosanna in the highest.' (The Pursuit of God)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

same story

reading my blog posts from last year's holidays, I realised that my last summer holiday was no different from this one: I got sick, it rained, and I'm slacking alot.

(excerpt)
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
my summer break is a time of relaxation- of rest and reflection. No work, no hard duties. I get to do whatever I want! I have no obligations- nothing to prove.
isnt it paradise? isn't this a break that many will crave to go through?

Strange, I still feel a sense of discomfort and dissatisfaction. Somtimes happiness will just leave me as I suddenly feel depression approaching. Random thoughts flood my brain as I simply brush the current train of thought[not that they're crucial stuff anyway] aside. Truly, I sometimes find my mind drifting away into randomness. My thoughts sum to nothing- No value added.

They say that an idle mind is a devil's workshop. Is that what my mind is going to be?
paradise seems to have its own serpents after all.
aimlessness... gets you lost in the emptiness of the world.
(end)

scary man, and prior to that, I was sick too!!!! wow, blog posts do help you recount your life. useful useful :D
(still reading previous blog posts)
woah, I realised that both the summers of '06 and '07 are so similar in experience- sickness + boredom depression + Rainnn, except that this year's version of sicknesses and rain are more intensified that the last.

well, as of now, I should be better (crossing fingers) after taking so much medicine.
and the rain, well I can't control that.

gotta enjoy this break period!!!!!
it's my last summer holiday anyway... one more year of uni life, [urgh] just when I got the hang of it! I really do take longer to adapt than most people, that's why I'm not a very good international student. You MUST be able to adapt because everything around you WILL change. Acceptance just comes too slowly to me... by the time I click into motion, when I'm all ready to deal with a problem, I get unplugged and face another issue. Read my very first post. I'm a resident alien, the world is enemy.

Friday, January 05, 2007

a survey

10 favourites

colour: red

food: bbq stingray

song:

movie:

sport: football

season: post-spring

day: Holi-day

ice cream: ferrero rocher

book: our daily bread

stuff toy: magnetic lion

current mood: happy

clothes: Giordano (budget la!)

desktop: ???

toenail colour: natural

time: 10.14 p.m. (current time?)

annoyance: scaring people

thought:

boyfriend: (s), u mean

book you are reading: Bible

firsts

daddy: stupid question

best friend: dude called tze aung

crush: girl(s) on TV

movie: THAT SHOW I WATCHED WITH MATT, the title’s just eluding me now

piercing: when I fell down I pierced my skin

lie: ??

music: ??

car: ???

handphone: alcatel

last
cigarette: 2002

drink: water

car ride: today

last crush:

movie seen: ju hua bing (Golden Flower)

phone call:

CD played: jars of clay

have i ever..dated my bestfriend: no

broken the law: yes

arrested: no

skinny-dipped: no

been on tv: yes, if camcorder counts

kissed someone you dunno: no

5 things you are wearing:

4 things you have done today:

4 things you can hear now:

3 things you cant live without: water, food, shelter

1 thing i regret:


shit, I give up doing this


Thursday, January 04, 2007

post mission trip, (recovered!)

mission trip was great, albeit a little tiring.
in fact, it was so tiring that it drained all the energy and food (don't ask how) out of me.

nonetheless, I will look back at it with fond memories and a remember a Christmas well spent (even though it was my first time spending it away from home).
Lav said that she could feel warmth and love all around, as if one was amongst family. I think she's right
I'll always remember in my mind, a mental picture of all the youths sitting on the hotel lobby (7th floor!!!) spending Christmas by singing carols and exchanging gifts, basically having a blast.

Monday, October 16, 2006

21

When you were born, God said "yes,"
yes to all you are and to all that you can be
by His grace, His mercy and His love.
He loved you at that very moment
without condition or reservation.
There is nothing you can do to earn that love,
and nothing you fail to do will lessen that love.
The coming year is a new opportunity
for you to discover more of the height, the breadth,
the length and the depth of that incredible love.
-Roy Lessin

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

He saves

a really good friend has told me to write...
[ok]

It's gonna be a letter of thanks and gratitude... He rescued me
----


well, I slept at 4am this morning. It was horrible, I've never done that in such a long time and I'm feeling so terrible now. All that toiling. Its so stressful when you're staring ahead at two really major assignments due at the end of this week. Really really stressful... all these deadlines and overdrives.
this boy just couldn't take it

One of the assignment was an essay worth 50%(!) of the subject, and I was nowhere near completion of that. Although it's safe to say that I've more or less finished the other one (it's due tomorrow so I sure as heck should've finished it).
But this particular assignment... eludes me so badly. I'm totally clueless on that topic. It's just so hard, to me. Issit because it's worth 50%? or issit because I'm just not used to doing freakin arts, reflective, idea, type of essays.
oh, the pressure, the pressure. For this assignment, the words just don't flow. Nothing springs out. Blank. My mind just couldn't do it, and as I keep hitting my head, frustration seeps in, making the situation worse. Just clueless... I was blacking out, quite literally.
this boy just couldn't take it

This was where God came in. the one who's never failed.
he rescued me...

[continuing]
last night was so futile... I went to bed feeling so down. Just sitting on the desk reading articles and trying to come up with a plan is already painstakingly impossible. What more the actual thing? urghh... I shudder to think about it.

waking up wasn't any better. so much to do. I still had to contend with all the work. Deadline's looming. I'm nowhere near completion... [help]

however, by evening today, things just took a turn for good... oh the thrill, his rescue...

I think submitting an essay plan to my lecturer was one of the best decisions made this week. Before yesterday, had a course mate not told me that how she got really good advice from the lecturer by submitting her plan, I wouldn't even have thought of doing that.
Through the toils of last night, I had carved out a plan, a pathetic plan, but a plan nonetheless. Emailing it to my lecturer, I got a reply that very evening.

... fantastic, I just don't know what to say:
Hello jeremy, You've analysed all the terms admirably, but you're still quite far from an essay... blah blah blah... I think you're going to need an extension so I will set 22/9 as your new submession date
[I'm so amazed]
truly, thank you so much God.
you rescued me.

Monday, July 31, 2006

hi

nothing much, just writing for the sake of having contents (in july)
goodbye july, see you next year.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Australia Vs Japan

What a GAME!!

despite the chilly winds of this freezing winter season, we [mai kee, michael, kent and I], (4 crazy boys) were out at the fed. square with a whole aussie mob to catch the world cup clash between japan and the socceroos on the big screen.

and boy did the match NOT disappoint!! it was awesome. The whole atmosphere was great- right from the start when I saw red flares (for the first time) being lit all throughout the crowd and streamers flying everywhere. gosh, I thought this only happens in the san siro.
but the stage was set, it just needed an aussie victory...

as the match went on, with japan going 1-up through a controversial goal, it started to look like the game was going to be a party pooper. you could feel the crowd losing its vibrance and it actually started to get colder...

but no, Aus fought, and they came back!!! in the the final third of the game cahill came on and suddenly, GOAL!!!!
the whole crowd erupted into euphoria and once again, flares were being lit all over the place.

I remember when the goal was scored, all of us were just going absolutely maddddd! especially mai kee and michael, who were jumping like wild boys, and in the process, unknowingly heading towards some dodgy dude who had a broken flare in his hand. He was literally trying to break it open as everyone was celebrating, (and the two mikes were jumping towards him, obviously oblivious to the danger.)

after that goal, aus scored another 2. That really made the experience at fed square amazing. it was awesome to be amongst the mob celebrations, especially when the goals came.

after the match, flinders street became a party ground. The roads were shut off and people took to the streets to celebrate.

what can I say, it was an experience.

Australia Vs Japan
















4 boys, 1 big screen, a soccer match, in the freezing winter...



Sunday, June 11, 2006

urban lights are fading in my eyes...

...as I've been fighting hard to keep myself awake all day.
it's holland's game in the world cup tonight, but I'm so stuffed now.

last night was a blast. I watched 'the omen' and the world cup matches on tv straight after that. the 5 of us came to church looking all... [I'll use the same word cos I can't think] Stuffed

man, I feel so sorry for the kid who played the mini anti-christ in that omen movie. sad boy, sad boy. Imagine being remembered as the devil's child for the most part of your fledgling life....ouchh

but anyhow, it was really funny (in the movie), seeing kent all wrapped up in his jacket throughout the show (especially the tense scenes!) and michael sutanto curling himself into a ball the during last part of the movie. If you were there you'd be laughing at them too. hilarious man, I just couldn't stop. (made it even funnier as kent was taunting me as a chicken prior to the show)

I wish i could've taken photos!!!!

sadly, I couldn't confirm whether mai kee screams like a girl though.
but after the show, he[mai kee] kept trying to scare us throughout the night with those random 'boos', although none of them seemed to work. oh, he did manage to frighten the nam loong girl (although unintentionally). So that doesnt count mai kee! man, he even resorted to switching off toilet lights when people were peeing.
note to self, mai kee needs retribution for all those nonsensical acts.

the soccer matches were disappointing, in the sense that there were no goals. Again, Kent was all wrapped up [in dunas] but this time it was because he was tired.
I learnt that Stomping a guy who was too lazy to fight back was fun!
I think I was the last to sleep.
mai kee snores.
I got a 'sheet' to cover myself whilst everyone had Warm dunas (thanks guys)
yea, I was the last to sleep.
everyone had nice Warm dunas
I had a sheet
but when I finally did shut down, I slept like a log.
even with a sheet
alarms don't wake me.
I slept the winter night with a Sheet.

everyone woke up claiming that they were sweating under the Warm dunas.
I woke up a frozen skeleton.
I only got a duna when it was 9.30am and time to go.
thanks guys.