he's 23
he's got a younger sister, aged 20, also mentally challenged
his mom's a cashier
his dad's a train operator
he lives in sengkang
he studied computing for 5 years at poly
he's into mobile phones and its functionality
he likes power rangers...
he has to mean something, even though we humans see no worth. screw worth.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
somewhere in the middle...
..You'll find me
somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
its all fun and games, but I will look back at this time knowing that I didn't stand up for what was right. In fact, I was part of the act. I picture his parents there, how will they feel if they see their poor son in such a situation. Yet, nothing within me musters enough courage or passion to stand up and fight. I only can reflect on what has happened and know that I didn't do anything.
helpless- I just can't do it, not the right person. coward
I take it all back. heroism is dead. I ain't alive anymore
somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
its all fun and games, but I will look back at this time knowing that I didn't stand up for what was right. In fact, I was part of the act. I picture his parents there, how will they feel if they see their poor son in such a situation. Yet, nothing within me musters enough courage or passion to stand up and fight. I only can reflect on what has happened and know that I didn't do anything.
helpless- I just can't do it, not the right person. coward
I take it all back. heroism is dead. I ain't alive anymore
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
happy Birthday- 15 Oct 2008
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
It’s only the air you took...
and the breath you left.
accept it, you mean nothing significant anymore. ACCEPT IT.
accept it, you mean nothing significant anymore. ACCEPT IT.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
faith(ful)(tan)... to the little things
(1) pertains to traits like being loyal and steadfast
(2) a good friend and fellow bowling buddy ;)
hahahaha, ok joking faith, sorry for using your name in vain.
the past few weeks in the army has all been about the mundane, the dull, and the activities we call 'sai kang', i.e, just the stuff that you totally do not wish to do- with every fiber of your body. There's no way to arouse sensations of enthusiasms to such activities like moving rubbish, carry un-ergonomical objects, heavy loads, doing sentry, fake VIP, wardens, guard, hot sun, sweaty stuff... if you are truly able to feel glad in these things then you'er an unnatural human being and should go out more often to see that the world has much more beauty than that.
but having that said, with these activities, you'll also meet the shirkers- the ones who just run from them. When it comes to having to carry a table/box/chair, stuff happens. Suddenly, their backs start rumbling up and they feel a degeneration in their spine [Hours later, I'll suddenly see these dudes in the gym struting their muscles with perfect backs and biceps]. How I always curse you guys in my mind and with my words ever so often. I wished you died on the spot and... sorry.
sai kang down to me again. OH I complain about the task. OH how it really really sucks to do this all day/week/month. utterly mindless. But in the midst of the useless/meaningless hours, I realise another paradigm view from all these activities. A very clear message that speaks into my conscience: be faithful in these little things, because if you aren't able to be faithful in these, your character will not allow you to take on any other heavier responsibilities other than having to tie your shoe every morning. Listen jeremy, I know its really tough, but you gotta see it always from a bigger picture. remember?
-I shall not be validated from an earthly system! I will become even more undignified than this! It's time to once again, put words into practice.
night falls... another mindless week awaits me. the days diminish my spirit, my being draws close to sin and my mouth develops poison again. sustain me.
---
welcome Am(elin) to my blog, its great to hear from you! I'm so glad that you somehow managed to find encouragement in my words, that itself encourages me too! How's my favorite expert chef in Melbourne doing these days man? ;) I def did not forget about our times in Sydney too, in fact I was reminiscing those days with Winston just a couple of weeks back when I managed to meet up with him. He sends his regards.
(2) a good friend and fellow bowling buddy ;)
hahahaha, ok joking faith, sorry for using your name in vain.
the past few weeks in the army has all been about the mundane, the dull, and the activities we call 'sai kang', i.e, just the stuff that you totally do not wish to do- with every fiber of your body. There's no way to arouse sensations of enthusiasms to such activities like moving rubbish, carry un-ergonomical objects, heavy loads, doing sentry, fake VIP, wardens, guard, hot sun, sweaty stuff... if you are truly able to feel glad in these things then you'er an unnatural human being and should go out more often to see that the world has much more beauty than that.
but having that said, with these activities, you'll also meet the shirkers- the ones who just run from them. When it comes to having to carry a table/box/chair, stuff happens. Suddenly, their backs start rumbling up and they feel a degeneration in their spine [Hours later, I'll suddenly see these dudes in the gym struting their muscles with perfect backs and biceps]. How I always curse you guys in my mind and with my words ever so often. I wished you died on the spot and... sorry.
sai kang down to me again. OH I complain about the task. OH how it really really sucks to do this all day/week/month. utterly mindless. But in the midst of the useless/meaningless hours, I realise another paradigm view from all these activities. A very clear message that speaks into my conscience: be faithful in these little things, because if you aren't able to be faithful in these, your character will not allow you to take on any other heavier responsibilities other than having to tie your shoe every morning. Listen jeremy, I know its really tough, but you gotta see it always from a bigger picture. remember?
-I shall not be validated from an earthly system! I will become even more undignified than this! It's time to once again, put words into practice.
night falls... another mindless week awaits me. the days diminish my spirit, my being draws close to sin and my mouth develops poison again. sustain me.
---
welcome Am(elin) to my blog, its great to hear from you! I'm so glad that you somehow managed to find encouragement in my words, that itself encourages me too! How's my favorite expert chef in Melbourne doing these days man? ;) I def did not forget about our times in Sydney too, in fact I was reminiscing those days with Winston just a couple of weeks back when I managed to meet up with him. He sends his regards.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
today I feel like I'm just one mistake away...
...from You leaving me this way
---
true strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for?
to do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)
where a man's wound is that is where his genius will be
-John Eldredge
---
true strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for?
to do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)
where a man's wound is that is where his genius will be
-John Eldredge
Monday, September 15, 2008
sanctuary
---
last week was super good, I got to go out with dora, uncle anthony and lala to celebrate their birthdays. Even managed to see avonne off thanks to one fast driving john chee in a subaru.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
my soul now to stand
now this blog is starting to become muddled with one liner posts and small chunks of sentences that seem to speak in riddle. maybe that's a reflection of my internal state right now- chaos. The past few days have been super (and that's as good a word I can muster), since I've spammed all of my 'off in-lieus' at one go to create such a blissful weekend.
during this time, I got a chance to see all the people I've known and loved and actually spend time to talk to them, loosen up. Awesome stuff.
miss you Bell, I know you'll read this and I just replied your email so don't scold me the next time we chat online, which will be really soon yah. Final year sux but hey man, look at the past 2 years- you've come so far already :D
miss you Matt (ma-te-uuu accordin to chinese tutor language), glad you 'rediscovered my blog and maybe you'd read this again some time. Singapore flyer was an awesome time together with Sam and Joel. Truly a time off to see Singapore from a perspective again that's beautiful, and i didnt just mean the view...
real Christians, real People [quote learned from Campus Crusade, Metamorphosis 2007]
there's no such thing as a conversation in real life that's like that of the movies and there'll always be the imperfections in relationships. And there are in fact many people or Christians who are trying to live that on-screen style perfect life, where everything is always perfect, the happiness is always high, the mood is always good, the grass is always green, pitch perfect, clean language, non-smoking zones, doing church week in week out. Anything less then that is regarded with disdain. But is that what it really means to live life? Look around you and you'll see so many people who are really, broken. Where do they stand? If you want to keep that perfect life, where will these people get their help from? Be real.
----
Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the most faint and mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. ... He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. ... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
- The Screwtape Letters, by C.S Lewis
during this time, I got a chance to see all the people I've known and loved and actually spend time to talk to them, loosen up. Awesome stuff.
miss you Bell, I know you'll read this and I just replied your email so don't scold me the next time we chat online, which will be really soon yah. Final year sux but hey man, look at the past 2 years- you've come so far already :D
miss you Matt (ma-te-uuu accordin to chinese tutor language), glad you 'rediscovered my blog and maybe you'd read this again some time. Singapore flyer was an awesome time together with Sam and Joel. Truly a time off to see Singapore from a perspective again that's beautiful, and i didnt just mean the view...
real Christians, real People [quote learned from Campus Crusade, Metamorphosis 2007]
there's no such thing as a conversation in real life that's like that of the movies and there'll always be the imperfections in relationships. And there are in fact many people or Christians who are trying to live that on-screen style perfect life, where everything is always perfect, the happiness is always high, the mood is always good, the grass is always green, pitch perfect, clean language, non-smoking zones, doing church week in week out. Anything less then that is regarded with disdain. But is that what it really means to live life? Look around you and you'll see so many people who are really, broken. Where do they stand? If you want to keep that perfect life, where will these people get their help from? Be real.
----
Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the most faint and mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. ... He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. ... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
- The Screwtape Letters, by C.S Lewis
Sunday, August 10, 2008
numb
I don't know me anymore...
why do I feel so meaningless? what have I become- rewired to fear and submission
no joy, just bleakness.
one deep breath, as I continue the plunge.
descend...
why do I feel nothing anymore
let my honor be upheld through these times
no lies...
why do I feel so meaningless? what have I become- rewired to fear and submission
no joy, just bleakness.
one deep breath, as I continue the plunge.
descend...
why do I feel nothing anymore
let my honor be upheld through these times
no lies...
Monday, June 16, 2008
my best
The time that I have left
is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for You
I haven't seen her in ages, she took so good care of me before.
but today when I saw her, I couldn't even remember her name. We talked briefly and caught up for awhile.
before she left, her embrace said it all. I felt total warmth and that love she always gives.
is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for You
I haven't seen her in ages, she took so good care of me before.
but today when I saw her, I couldn't even remember her name. We talked briefly and caught up for awhile.
before she left, her embrace said it all. I felt total warmth and that love she always gives.
Friday, June 13, 2008
on this island I promise to build Your temple...
...was it good enough?
I will learn from this
Regina Spektor - The Call
this song springs up at the last part of Narnia and is also the best part of the movie- why? because it shows the 4 kids having to leave... forsake a life of greatness and kingship, to accept going back into a world where they are lowly, to accept going back into a life of drudgery again- From kings to a mere highschool students. It is a big fall.
yet, they still do it, after talking to the lion. Isn't it what gave them the conviction to go back? The talk with Jesus, as He tells you that it is best to step off that great life that you're living and so comfortable with, where everything is for you... to step off and take the plunge into that unknown passageway that leads into a life that's not very appealing.
I have to plunge into something I dread. But He knows what is best.
walking into a rich house, seeing the sports cars and the many, many other well-priced cars... they could build so many churches with those things! They could've used it for a greater, far more worthwhile cause.
if i can't be a missionary, let me be a martyr
I will become even more undignified than this.
I will learn from this
Regina Spektor - The Call
this song springs up at the last part of Narnia and is also the best part of the movie- why? because it shows the 4 kids having to leave... forsake a life of greatness and kingship, to accept going back into a world where they are lowly, to accept going back into a life of drudgery again- From kings to a mere highschool students. It is a big fall.
yet, they still do it, after talking to the lion. Isn't it what gave them the conviction to go back? The talk with Jesus, as He tells you that it is best to step off that great life that you're living and so comfortable with, where everything is for you... to step off and take the plunge into that unknown passageway that leads into a life that's not very appealing.
I have to plunge into something I dread. But He knows what is best.
walking into a rich house, seeing the sports cars and the many, many other well-priced cars... they could build so many churches with those things! They could've used it for a greater, far more worthwhile cause.
if i can't be a missionary, let me be a martyr
I will become even more undignified than this.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
botak is temporary, handsome is forever...
the saying amongst the bald men who live on the island.
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.
no matter what, I want to be able to say this confidently too.
...temple building is hard work.
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.
no matter what, I want to be able to say this confidently too.
...temple building is hard work.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
tears
what have i done
they all hate me now...
how did it end up like this
to feel wrath from one is bad enough
but to feel the wrath of so many people
gut wrenching
how now?
how can a rejected person be used?
are You still with me
they all hate me now...
how did it end up like this
to feel wrath from one is bad enough
but to feel the wrath of so many people
gut wrenching
how now?
how can a rejected person be used?
are You still with me
Monday, May 19, 2008
there is pleasure in watching pain
I have survived the jungles!! but this week holds another outfield visit- 3 days, 2 nights (sit test). Please keep this super unsoldier fella in prayer.
help me to to be a 'human being' rather than a 'human doing'- always trying to justify my worth with power and actions. It is only by your enabling that I will be able to do so and rise above it all. I have tried to hard to be a Christian, but have I been trying as hard to pursue and chase Your very heart at this point? Out of the wreckage I will rise. Inspired to live simply knowing that I'm held in Your love and that's all that matters.
will miss you loads...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
struck down, not destroyed
pain. am currently limping. I have sprained my ankle from jumping off the ramp during soc. I need to be well before going outfield.
outfield outfield. this is it... 6 days in the jungles. God, when I go into the jungle, help to to be rambo.
outfield outfield. this is it... 6 days in the jungles. God, when I go into the jungle, help to to be rambo.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
on jacob's ladder I plant a cross
starting small...
I've managed to gather 3 other Christian bros within my platoon to form a lil prayer grp. Please pray that for us, that we'll be able to meet up to share, confide and keep each other strong in prayer as we draw close to God during a time where circumstances and emotions scream against Him.
the next 2 weeks are quite tiring and probably gonna be the toughest time yet- this week is live range (which may not sound that bad) and after that is 6 days out in the jungles (which sounds really bad). Please pray for me, for I am still dealing pretty badly with the HOT weather- My last outfield trip was a disaster cos I actually blacked out and had to be taken to rest. (honestly, that was the scariest moment in my army experience so far) I am going to need His strength and favor.
I know I know He won't fail me.
God will not allow you to go through something greater than what you can handle. My bro told me this, that if He has allowed you to go into the jungles, then surely, He has given you sufficient grace to get through it. I'm clinging onto Him.
now off I go again... If you're a civilian and reading this, please... send encouragements, send updates [on your civilian lives], send hope, send prayers, for I am in need of much uplifting. thanks.
when Jesus was on the cross, He lost everything, but Jesus was not lost.
let it be so, that whilst people scream for success, for the spotlight, for the intent of being seen, I'll do likewise. In everything I do, I stand for Him. I'll follow the Son. It is easy to write this, but how easy it is when one is at total fatigue, when every part of you is destroyed, when your mind and your actual body movements actually show a momentary lag... now then, let actions speak louder than words.
I've managed to gather 3 other Christian bros within my platoon to form a lil prayer grp. Please pray that for us, that we'll be able to meet up to share, confide and keep each other strong in prayer as we draw close to God during a time where circumstances and emotions scream against Him.
the next 2 weeks are quite tiring and probably gonna be the toughest time yet- this week is live range (which may not sound that bad) and after that is 6 days out in the jungles (which sounds really bad). Please pray for me, for I am still dealing pretty badly with the HOT weather- My last outfield trip was a disaster cos I actually blacked out and had to be taken to rest. (honestly, that was the scariest moment in my army experience so far) I am going to need His strength and favor.
I know I know He won't fail me.
God will not allow you to go through something greater than what you can handle. My bro told me this, that if He has allowed you to go into the jungles, then surely, He has given you sufficient grace to get through it. I'm clinging onto Him.
now off I go again... If you're a civilian and reading this, please... send encouragements, send updates [on your civilian lives], send hope, send prayers, for I am in need of much uplifting. thanks.
when Jesus was on the cross, He lost everything, but Jesus was not lost.
let it be so, that whilst people scream for success, for the spotlight, for the intent of being seen, I'll do likewise. In everything I do, I stand for Him. I'll follow the Son. It is easy to write this, but how easy it is when one is at total fatigue, when every part of you is destroyed, when your mind and your actual body movements actually show a momentary lag... now then, let actions speak louder than words.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
don't fail me now my lady
Psalm 34
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
falling...
Falling is the first thing I feel.
Distant voices echo inside my head.
Their orders are clear,and yet all I can think about is the others.
Remiel
Uriel
Amitiel
Ithuriel
Raphael
Michael
Each one traveled the same path.
What was their fate?
What awaits me on the other side?
They have gone to a place where the light is cursed and darkness blinds the soul.
This is a place where even angels fear to tread.
Forgive me.
Distant voices echo inside my head.
Their orders are clear,and yet all I can think about is the others.
Remiel
Uriel
Amitiel
Ithuriel
Raphael
Michael
Each one traveled the same path.
What was their fate?
What awaits me on the other side?
They have gone to a place where the light is cursed and darkness blinds the soul.
This is a place where even angels fear to tread.
Forgive me.
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