struck down but not destroyed

as the song goes: 'I'm pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed...'

it is bewildering how sometimes a single comment made towards you can just bring your esteem crashing down. Just today, some dude told me he reckoned I wouldn't make at all when I entered the army- '3 weeks!!' he said. His colleague stepped in and interceded, 'No, no, no!' he said, 'I'd give this boy 2 weeks man!' and the gang just starts laughing their arses off at my expense. Gosh they must be happy...

ouch! I actually felt quite dejected after that conversation. I mean, I was really so down-hearted! Doubt, insecurity, thoughts of 'am I really so weak?' just kept entering my system. My, it was certainly an ordeal. I simply sat there and forced a weak smile. They might not even know that I felt damaged by their comments- probably too busy satisfying their laughing lust.

*dignity lost... just like that

but hasn't this sorta situation happened to many of us so many times? Often, I have felt so scorned and rejected by people when they simply use you as a 'jackass + guinea pig' object whereby they can get laughs out of you. All at the expense of utilising criticisms and pinpointing weaknesses.

some criticisms I have grown accustomed to, others still pack a sting no matter how much you try to hedge against it. But all these 'thorns' I have been inflicted with only serve to make me realise one fundamental important thing- That I am indeed, really and truly, inadequate!

yes, I have said it. I feel so inadequate at times, so useless. Oh God, why can't I be like this... or that... yes we indeed do strive to be one step higher. So blinded by worldly standards, I sometimes plunge into a depth of gloom as I feel so 'ugly', as compared to the 'beautiful ones' that are in this world. I mean, don't you feel like crap sometimes when you compare yourselves to others? ...How they'd trounced you in any aspect.

Stupid worldly standards.
Stupid condescending attitudes.

take heart people, for there is a God who loves you and sees you, each and everyone of you as a 'beautiful one'. In him, you will be refined and perfected and his strengths will be made perfect in your very weaknesses.

yes, indeed I find that very encouraging, but sometimes, the sting that words bring still leave you feeling downcast and rejected. But heck, I hope to be encouraged, inspired, and soon, to get on with the beautiful journey that is my life.

*dignity...downloading 40% completed

Goodnight world.

.....
oh yea, people who pray, I have written personal prayer requests at the side. Please uphold me. Thanks!!