SOS

help....
how do I get all that you have taught, said and promised- EVERYTHING... from my head and into my heart?
I know its good to try and be noble and all, but, it still frigging HURTs so much

how come others have it so much easier.

I still stand by everything I've said, but just somehow, please also provide relief. I want my satisfaction and joys to come only from you, given by you.
no other way.

I need your help
I need repair
I need you now.
please hear me God, this sos goes all out to you. I know I don't matter much, but I'm desperate, and the only solution is in the hands of the my maker.
I feel like a loser
I feel broken
I feel distant