HE Never fails

The Call of Abram

¹ The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.

² "I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

³ I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

⁴ So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. ⁵ He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there.

⁶ Abram traveled through the land as far as the site of the great tree of Moreh at Shechem. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. ⁷ The LORD appeared to Abram and said, "To your offspring I will give this land." So he built an altar there to the LORD, who had appeared to him.

⁸ From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD. ⁹ Then Abram set out and continued toward the Negev.

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Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things (Philippians 4:6-8 NKJV).

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pierced by the things that may happen tomorrow, scared of the future.
'Will I make it out alive??'
I am always fearful.

But creator God has never failed me. I look back and see so many promises, desires fulfilled, blessings bestowed... why would He ever fail? He has promised assurance. Yet sometimes this assurance can always be clouded out, when drowned into the circumstances, hassles and worries of the world.

smite

it prob means nothing, how can my pain be compared to many others out there who'er REALLY suffering. mine is nothing compared to theirs, it prob isn't classified as pain on their terms. its really nothing i count for nothing. Laugh it off man, its not even pain. no sweat.

todayIfell

...first sign of fever after 1.5+ yrs
does depression, sadness and negativity cause the physical mind to be sick? question will and resolve.

"You'er... Ho Kua Bo Ho Jia"
-Dad
SO TRUE

what is my point

...and so ensues the ongoing lament

why do I exist

people base their value on their assets, their jobs, their financial muscle, their looks, their charisma, their influence, their popularity, their god...
I know I know, God is my centre and I should find joy and contentment there

maybe its all head knowledge, because my heart is sin, whacked up and full of crap.
I deserve to just die.

sorry.

how can I even be of good, when I don't even believe in myself.

over a year on...

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I am now updating this blog because a certain aunty says that its growing cobwebs. Well, not literally... so I guess its cyber cobwebs right? But ehhhh, arent all blogs 'webby' since they'er all on the world wide WEB. That means every WEBsite has a SPIDER in it! Oh no that's dangerous man- we should always have (cyber) insect repellents everytime we surf the interNET huh?

A Public Apology

SORRRRRRYYY!!!!!!!!

missionTrip2008

was the best.
the hardest part? going back to resume my life. Death? well, it'd have been glorious to have died during that time- a good end to life. But no, my life still continues, I still breath. Death would be an easy option. I guess there's still stuff I have to learn and work that I have yet to complete... Look around, and try to find beauty and light in a time where everything is unkind and depressing.

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"Parting a soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says "no" to drugs and "yes" to an education, that's a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is *they* have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle." -God in bruce almighty.

guess there is always a little hero in all of us, waiting to rise up and do good, not for the sake of applause, but to fulfill our original nature of a God-image.

Too many times I've planned...

...To be much more than who I am

how come I am powerless?
how come work seems important and the person with work seems important. take a step back and I realize that it is all worthless to me. There is no joy.
validated, powerful, free, special. I know all that, but my feelings betray it.
I ain't worth it.

reach him...

he's 23
he's got a younger sister, aged 20, also mentally challenged
his mom's a cashier
his dad's a train operator
he lives in sengkang
he studied computing for 5 years at poly
he's into mobile phones and its functionality
he likes power rangers...

he has to mean something, even though we humans see no worth. screw worth.

somewhere in the middle...

..You'll find me

somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

its all fun and games, but I will look back at this time knowing that I didn't stand up for what was right. In fact, I was part of the act. I picture his parents there, how will they feel if they see their poor son in such a situation. Yet, nothing within me musters enough courage or passion to stand up and fight. I only can reflect on what has happened and know that I didn't do anything.
helpless- I just can't do it, not the right person. coward
I take it all back. heroism is dead. I ain't alive anymore

happy Birthday- 15 Oct 2008

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

It’s only the air you took...

and the breath you left.
accept it, you mean nothing significant anymore. ACCEPT IT.

tired..

battered fighter

really am.

faith(ful)(tan)... to the little things

(1) pertains to traits like being loyal and steadfast
(2) a good friend and fellow bowling buddy ;)
hahahaha, ok joking faith, sorry for using your name in vain.

the past few weeks in the army has all been about the mundane, the dull, and the activities we call 'sai kang', i.e, just the stuff that you totally do not wish to do- with every fiber of your body. There's no way to arouse sensations of enthusiasms to such activities like moving rubbish, carry un-ergonomical objects, heavy loads, doing sentry, fake VIP, wardens, guard, hot sun, sweaty stuff... if you are truly able to feel glad in these things then you'er an unnatural human being and should go out more often to see that the world has much more beauty than that.

but having that said, with these activities, you'll also meet the shirkers- the ones who just run from them. When it comes to having to carry a table/box/chair, stuff happens. Suddenly, their backs start rumbling up and they feel a degeneration in their spine [Hours later, I'll suddenly see these dudes in the gym struting their muscles with perfect backs and biceps]. How I always curse you guys in my mind and with my words ever so often. I wished you died on the spot and... sorry.

sai kang down to me again. OH I complain about the task. OH how it really really sucks to do this all day/week/month. utterly mindless. But in the midst of the useless/meaningless hours, I realise another paradigm view from all these activities. A very clear message that speaks into my conscience: be faithful in these little things, because if you aren't able to be faithful in these, your character will not allow you to take on any other heavier responsibilities other than having to tie your shoe every morning. Listen jeremy, I know its really tough, but you gotta see it always from a bigger picture. remember?
-I shall not be validated from an earthly system! I will become even more undignified than this! It's time to once again, put words into practice.

night falls... another mindless week awaits me. the days diminish my spirit, my being draws close to sin and my mouth develops poison again. sustain me.

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welcome Am(elin) to my blog, its great to hear from you! I'm so glad that you somehow managed to find encouragement in my words, that itself encourages me too! How's my favorite expert chef in Melbourne doing these days man? ;) I def did not forget about our times in Sydney too, in fact I was reminiscing those days with Winston just a couple of weeks back when I managed to meet up with him. He sends his regards.

today I feel like I'm just one mistake away...

...from You leaving me this way
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true strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for?

to do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do—to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst—is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)

where a man's wound is that is where his genius will be
-John Eldredge

sanctuary

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last week was super good, I got to go out with dora, uncle anthony and lala to celebrate their birthdays. Even managed to see avonne off thanks to one fast driving john chee in a subaru.

my soul now to stand

now this blog is starting to become muddled with one liner posts and small chunks of sentences that seem to speak in riddle. maybe that's a reflection of my internal state right now- chaos. The past few days have been super (and that's as good a word I can muster), since I've spammed all of my 'off in-lieus' at one go to create such a blissful weekend.
during this time, I got a chance to see all the people I've known and loved and actually spend time to talk to them, loosen up. Awesome stuff.

miss you Bell, I know you'll read this and I just replied your email so don't scold me the next time we chat online, which will be really soon yah. Final year sux but hey man, look at the past 2 years- you've come so far already :D
miss you Matt (ma-te-uuu accordin to chinese tutor language), glad you 'rediscovered my blog and maybe you'd read this again some time. Singapore flyer was an awesome time together with Sam and Joel. Truly a time off to see Singapore from a perspective again that's beautiful, and i didnt just mean the view...

real Christians, real People [quote learned from Campus Crusade, Metamorphosis 2007]
there's no such thing as a conversation in real life that's like that of the movies and there'll always be the imperfections in relationships. And there are in fact many people or Christians who are trying to live that on-screen style perfect life, where everything is always perfect, the happiness is always high, the mood is always good, the grass is always green, pitch perfect, clean language, non-smoking zones, doing church week in week out. Anything less then that is regarded with disdain. But is that what it really means to live life? Look around you and you'll see so many people who are really, broken. Where do they stand? If you want to keep that perfect life, where will these people get their help from? Be real.

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Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the most faint and mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. ... He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. ... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
- The Screwtape Letters, by C.S Lewis

numb

I don't know me anymore...
why do I feel so meaningless? what have I become- rewired to fear and submission
no joy, just bleakness.

one deep breath, as I continue the plunge.
descend...

why do I feel nothing anymore

let my honor be upheld through these times
no lies...