5 days already in Melbourne.
Melbourne-Singapore, Singapore-Melbourne, Melbourne-Singapore… This routine of coming and going has almost become second nature to me- I no longer shed tears and miss the homeland as much as before. I really have to say, this time round, I just seem to get into life a lot quicker than before.
I definitely can still recall last year- how gutted I was to have returned here for my studies… so gutted that I plunged into this dark period of depression and refused to accept my life, until about a month later. That was definitely an experience, of pain. I’m so glad I did not encounter this drastic chasm once again.
Leaving the airport, I did a ‘Ben Raja’- as I would call it from now on. The ‘Ben Raja’ way of leaving- quick, decisive and…cool. Cool, so unlike good ol’ Ben Raja, hahahahaha!
Jokes aside, it’s really simple: when departing, only look back ONCE, I repeat once. Not only will you appear cool, but it also makes you detach from the place much quicker. Do not look back to take mental pictures, wave sad goodbyes, perform final gazes or whatsoever reason. Do not, do not! Do a ‘Ben Raja’ leaving style, look ahead and set your thoughts on what’s before you. Set your sights on the vision, on the big picture- the master plan that is your life.
So I left…
*thoughts enter… ‘Geez… It’s… Singapore!’
I grin…
I am still human after all, and the fond memories in Singapore will definitely remain in me. But I will make them memories of happiness, not something I lean on and hang on so tightly to, that I forget how to live in the present. No, they will not be a clutch of any sort. It will not thwart me nor bog me down. I will stand this time and fight for my happiness and pursue the Godly life that I should have!
Ohh, the some ACS theme just came into my head that goes really well with what I wrote above. It goes something like this:
The past we inherit,
The present we create,
And what is to come…
The Best Is Yet To Be!
Ok, back to the present.
College square is student land- I have reentered life as an international student once more. No longer am I away from the main city, living in the ‘badlands’ of Doncaster (not that it is a wilderness by the way). The gym looks pretty cool. I really hope I will be able to continue running every night like I used to in Singapore, for the 2.4km run actually leaves me on a high every time I finish it.
Thing is, the internet is simply pissing me off. It is broadband, but stuff like Skype and MSN video conferencing truly suck when I utilize it here. How can I talk to my family if these services do not work properly!! Fix it guys!
My room is kindda furnished already so there’s no need for much.
[Judge Judy is being screened in the background as I speak]
My schedule for this week is pretty gay, as there’re neither tutorials nor workshops in the first week.
I want a job…
*thoughts enter…
Oh, and I still miss everyone back home.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
departure date
well, I'm off. Thank you everyone for the wonderful 3 months.
as the curtain falls to mark the end of the summer holidays, I am somwhat sad to leave these fond times behind... but another part of me knows that the future holds more.
be it bright or gloomy times, life has to be lived in the present- looking forward.
no turning back now...
see you later Singapore!
as the curtain falls to mark the end of the summer holidays, I am somwhat sad to leave these fond times behind... but another part of me knows that the future holds more.
be it bright or gloomy times, life has to be lived in the present- looking forward.
no turning back now...
see you later Singapore!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
the boy will learn
amazing. how time has flown. looking back, my last post is dated on the 14th of January- it has been more than a month since I've written already!
But my, how wonderful the experiences were during that interval.
My mission trip to Khon Kaen, Thailand, was surreal. I sometimes feel words cannot describe what a great time it was, that words may potentially tarnish this wonderful memory.
Despite living in places with flawed conditions, I still found so much joy! The people, both Thai and Korean- they exude such positive forces. Thai culture is ever friendly. People there do not put up such cocky facades. When you're in their company, there is the absence of the cold attitudes and resistances that many at times we will experience when you're in the company of a person regarded 'superior' to you. [There is no superior man. That's bullshit.] And their gaze, unlike our society, do not look upon you with contempt. It is a simple love that they show, to both God and people. They inspire me, to be humble and not conform to the arrogant and self-centered attitudes that cultivates in men when living in such fast-paced, career-minded, 'dog-eat-dog' cum office politics worlds.
After that trip, I have also come to respect the Korean youths who have gone forth to evangalise in the province- laying down their everything. People who are so well off, yet decide to come to Khon Kaen, to spread the Word, to live in poverty, to be devoid of comfort for months. Their very passion sends chills down my spine as I am moved to tears by such awe inspiring attitudes. How they pay to suffer, literally! All for the glory of God. I really hope that someday, that zeal may just run deep in my veins too. Koreans, wow... They inspire me, truly to be a better person.
And the way both cultures worship. Wow. Simple yet powerful. It brings me to my knees. The way the music is played, the way they sing, really inspiring stuff! During that period, I felt such a powerful spiritual aura when I was in the company of the Christians there. How I wish that powerful aura could just linger in me wherever I go... forever. Their worship, it inspires me- I wish to find and reclaim that aura.
But now, it is over. That spiritual trip that lasted from the 18th-26th Jan, has now become a fond and beautiful memory. I will learn. I will cherish it.
Now, here's where I stand...
Feb 19th 2006, I am spending my last days of summer holiday. On the 23rd, I fly for yet another study trip to Australia.
It's a Sunday, and my midweek flight means that I would not be attending another THOP service till Nov. Immediately, the youths will come into my mind: From the older ones whom I respect to the younger ones whom I will guard. Gosh, I will miss them all. For the youths have become family to me- My brothers and sisters. I feel like a brother so in love with all of his siblings, that it's actually quite sad to leave them behind. They are family, I hold them so dear to my heart, everyone of them.
So till November...
Through all the experiences, from people, situations and circumstances, the boy will learn.
But my, how wonderful the experiences were during that interval.
My mission trip to Khon Kaen, Thailand, was surreal. I sometimes feel words cannot describe what a great time it was, that words may potentially tarnish this wonderful memory.
Despite living in places with flawed conditions, I still found so much joy! The people, both Thai and Korean- they exude such positive forces. Thai culture is ever friendly. People there do not put up such cocky facades. When you're in their company, there is the absence of the cold attitudes and resistances that many at times we will experience when you're in the company of a person regarded 'superior' to you. [There is no superior man. That's bullshit.] And their gaze, unlike our society, do not look upon you with contempt. It is a simple love that they show, to both God and people. They inspire me, to be humble and not conform to the arrogant and self-centered attitudes that cultivates in men when living in such fast-paced, career-minded, 'dog-eat-dog' cum office politics worlds.
After that trip, I have also come to respect the Korean youths who have gone forth to evangalise in the province- laying down their everything. People who are so well off, yet decide to come to Khon Kaen, to spread the Word, to live in poverty, to be devoid of comfort for months. Their very passion sends chills down my spine as I am moved to tears by such awe inspiring attitudes. How they pay to suffer, literally! All for the glory of God. I really hope that someday, that zeal may just run deep in my veins too. Koreans, wow... They inspire me, truly to be a better person.
And the way both cultures worship. Wow. Simple yet powerful. It brings me to my knees. The way the music is played, the way they sing, really inspiring stuff! During that period, I felt such a powerful spiritual aura when I was in the company of the Christians there. How I wish that powerful aura could just linger in me wherever I go... forever. Their worship, it inspires me- I wish to find and reclaim that aura.
But now, it is over. That spiritual trip that lasted from the 18th-26th Jan, has now become a fond and beautiful memory. I will learn. I will cherish it.
Now, here's where I stand...
Feb 19th 2006, I am spending my last days of summer holiday. On the 23rd, I fly for yet another study trip to Australia.
It's a Sunday, and my midweek flight means that I would not be attending another THOP service till Nov. Immediately, the youths will come into my mind: From the older ones whom I respect to the younger ones whom I will guard. Gosh, I will miss them all. For the youths have become family to me- My brothers and sisters. I feel like a brother so in love with all of his siblings, that it's actually quite sad to leave them behind. They are family, I hold them so dear to my heart, everyone of them.
So till November...
Through all the experiences, from people, situations and circumstances, the boy will learn.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
am sick Part II
ok, I'm still sick. Recovery hasnt fully arrived yet.
The feeling's horrible. My body has been breaking cold sweat throughout the hours and my mind continues to drift in and out of conciousness. Wearing a pullover in sunny Singapore is just insane. I never thought I'd be dressed the way I am right now in my homeland.
The feeling of a flu is really bad- its just depressing to describe it. Inflammed muscles cause so much suffering just getting from point a to b, and as your mind drifts, so does mood. Unhappiness floods a sick person. I feel so damned.
Then again, only by falling ill will one start appreciating life as a 'healthy' person. By healthy I mean having an able and well body.
Sure, healthy people do have their own 'sicknesses' to combat: Discontent, depression, routines and self-esteem issues. But as I stand here with a broken body, I cannot stop recalling how wonderful it was to be well. The 'sicknesses' of a healthy person suddenly seem insignificant. Human nature- we always wish for one state better than what we are currently at.
Pause.
I'll learn to appreciate life.
The feeling's horrible. My body has been breaking cold sweat throughout the hours and my mind continues to drift in and out of conciousness. Wearing a pullover in sunny Singapore is just insane. I never thought I'd be dressed the way I am right now in my homeland.
The feeling of a flu is really bad- its just depressing to describe it. Inflammed muscles cause so much suffering just getting from point a to b, and as your mind drifts, so does mood. Unhappiness floods a sick person. I feel so damned.
Then again, only by falling ill will one start appreciating life as a 'healthy' person. By healthy I mean having an able and well body.
Sure, healthy people do have their own 'sicknesses' to combat: Discontent, depression, routines and self-esteem issues. But as I stand here with a broken body, I cannot stop recalling how wonderful it was to be well. The 'sicknesses' of a healthy person suddenly seem insignificant. Human nature- we always wish for one state better than what we are currently at.
Pause.
I'll learn to appreciate life.
Friday, January 13, 2006
am sick
I am sick. Chilli otaks, chilli stringrays and chilli sauces have finally succeeded in taking me out. My body's natural defences have finally succumbed to that powerful chilli onslaught I have allowed to invade my system.
amazing, how i so easily got seduced by the wonderful otak aroma, that I ordered 6 burning hot pieces.
I live to regret my unwise actions.
Sickness made yesterday a trance to me. Everything seemed so blurry. The night was such a restless one. Yet there is no other choice but to endure...
On a brighter note, I feel so much better now.
Renewal has come.
I am amazed at the resilience of the human body.
Liverpool have signed Danish defender Daniel Aggar. The new signing is expected to provide competition for current centre backs Jamie Carragher and Sami Hypia.
Jan Kromkamp has also been signed a few days ago to provide cover for right back Steve Finnan.
We traded Josemi for Kromkamp. Which is really good. I guess any player is better than Josemi.
Well, we've already signed two new players. They seem good enough to provide the cover we need for defence. Our current back four looks pretty compact and solid, though at times we have to forgive Hypia for his occasional concentration lapses and as long as Traore doesnt play we're fine.
I hope the gaffer manages to get acquire a proven right winger within the next few days.
This club is on the rise, whether you like it or not.
amazing, how i so easily got seduced by the wonderful otak aroma, that I ordered 6 burning hot pieces.
I live to regret my unwise actions.
Sickness made yesterday a trance to me. Everything seemed so blurry. The night was such a restless one. Yet there is no other choice but to endure...
On a brighter note, I feel so much better now.
Renewal has come.
I am amazed at the resilience of the human body.
Liverpool have signed Danish defender Daniel Aggar. The new signing is expected to provide competition for current centre backs Jamie Carragher and Sami Hypia.
Jan Kromkamp has also been signed a few days ago to provide cover for right back Steve Finnan.
We traded Josemi for Kromkamp. Which is really good. I guess any player is better than Josemi.
Well, we've already signed two new players. They seem good enough to provide the cover we need for defence. Our current back four looks pretty compact and solid, though at times we have to forgive Hypia for his occasional concentration lapses and as long as Traore doesnt play we're fine.
I hope the gaffer manages to get acquire a proven right winger within the next few days.
This club is on the rise, whether you like it or not.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
my summer break is a time of relaxation- of rest and reflection. No work, no hard duties. I get to do whatever I want! I have no obligations- nothing to prove.
isnt it paradise? isn't this a break that many will crave to go through?
Strange, I still feel a sense of discomfort and dissatisfaction. Somtimes happiness will just leave me as I suddenly feel depression approaching. Random thoughts flood my brain as I simply brush the current train of thought[not that they're crucial stuff anyway] aside. Truly, I sometimes find my mind drifting away into randomness. My thoughts sum to nothing- No value added.
They say that an idle mind is a devil's workshop. Is that what my mind is going to be?
paradise seems to have its own serpents after all.
aimlessness... gets you lost in the emptiness of the world.
drift drift
wokeupbathedBreakfastfamilythennauseousrestedtook
walkscomputermademeevenmoresicktriedtofindtheCatcycledthen
walkedsomemoremingledwiththecousinswatchedtelevisionanothe
rwalkdinnerfellowshipelizebethtownfeltnumbcomputer
isnt it paradise? isn't this a break that many will crave to go through?
Strange, I still feel a sense of discomfort and dissatisfaction. Somtimes happiness will just leave me as I suddenly feel depression approaching. Random thoughts flood my brain as I simply brush the current train of thought[not that they're crucial stuff anyway] aside. Truly, I sometimes find my mind drifting away into randomness. My thoughts sum to nothing- No value added.
They say that an idle mind is a devil's workshop. Is that what my mind is going to be?
paradise seems to have its own serpents after all.
aimlessness... gets you lost in the emptiness of the world.
drift drift
wokeupbathedBreakfastfamilythennauseousrestedtook
walkscomputermademeevenmoresicktriedtofindtheCatcycledthen
walkedsomemoremingledwiththecousinswatchedtelevisionanothe
rwalkdinnerfellowshipelizebethtownfeltnumbcomputer
Monday, January 09, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Second Post
Saturday...
Not even Sunday but I've already engaged in 2 bible discussions @ church.Awesome, the stuff I learnt today:
During music practice we had discussion on 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 of the bible- concerning marriage and celibacy. It was really awesome how the one point just screamed such an impression upon me- that you are complete in Christ, and the notion of a significant other to complete you is utter 'wrongness'. wow! I thought as I inhaled this new found 'revelation'- a simple idea that fired me up. Somehow, throughout my young adult life (20 is old by the way), I've always been trying to reach out to find that special girl of my dreams. The girl that would complete me. My life would be alright, the moment she came into my life. I've always yearned for that someone who would understand me, who would just stick with me through the storms of life.
But today, I reckon, God figuratively stopped me as I was chasing this 'dream girl' conception and told me "Hey now, what makes you think you're complete just because of some chick you fancy?" That utopian idea of 2 humans with full understanding and complete devotion to one another is indeed, quite far-fetched. How often do you see quarrels and struggles even in the most loving of marriages. Men, are still bound by the flesh. We sin. A successful companionship requires a bond that is supernatural. A form of love so strong that it trancends and accepts the imperfections of the other party. That form of love is indeed a gift...
But back to the main point... Truly, I have come to see that he[God] is really all I need for completeness. His way, his will is what's gonna make me feel fulfilled and satisfied, nothing else can. And if he allows that a certain someone to enter your life, then it is a gift... but as you remain single, do not intently search for dream chicks and attend matchmaking sessions, as they may just hinder and distract you from handling the important matters that you are to achieve.
Again, I feel encouraged, although I may still take time to shrug off girl interests (we are but men after all). Now lets talk about the girl of my dreams.... [censored]
Later that evening, I listened to yet another encouraging talk given during youth service. 'Come and Go', shall be the title of that message. Anyhow, that was food for thought from the stuff I have heard today.
Well, it looks as if I have spent the whole of Saturday at church- not trying to appear holy or anything. Looking at the clock, its... Sunday, wow, church again.
1 2 3...
1 2 3...
The almighty Liverpool is taking on some team named Luton. They stand no chance, we will own them.
What else is there to babble about?
oh yes, I aspire to make this blog uber cool (How?),
no no no,
I aspire to be drum master!
now Goodnight...
Not even Sunday but I've already engaged in 2 bible discussions @ church.Awesome, the stuff I learnt today:
During music practice we had discussion on 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 of the bible- concerning marriage and celibacy. It was really awesome how the one point just screamed such an impression upon me- that you are complete in Christ, and the notion of a significant other to complete you is utter 'wrongness'. wow! I thought as I inhaled this new found 'revelation'- a simple idea that fired me up. Somehow, throughout my young adult life (20 is old by the way), I've always been trying to reach out to find that special girl of my dreams. The girl that would complete me. My life would be alright, the moment she came into my life. I've always yearned for that someone who would understand me, who would just stick with me through the storms of life.
But today, I reckon, God figuratively stopped me as I was chasing this 'dream girl' conception and told me "Hey now, what makes you think you're complete just because of some chick you fancy?" That utopian idea of 2 humans with full understanding and complete devotion to one another is indeed, quite far-fetched. How often do you see quarrels and struggles even in the most loving of marriages. Men, are still bound by the flesh. We sin. A successful companionship requires a bond that is supernatural. A form of love so strong that it trancends and accepts the imperfections of the other party. That form of love is indeed a gift...
But back to the main point... Truly, I have come to see that he[God] is really all I need for completeness. His way, his will is what's gonna make me feel fulfilled and satisfied, nothing else can. And if he allows that a certain someone to enter your life, then it is a gift... but as you remain single, do not intently search for dream chicks and attend matchmaking sessions, as they may just hinder and distract you from handling the important matters that you are to achieve.
Again, I feel encouraged, although I may still take time to shrug off girl interests (we are but men after all). Now lets talk about the girl of my dreams.... [censored]
Later that evening, I listened to yet another encouraging talk given during youth service. 'Come and Go', shall be the title of that message. Anyhow, that was food for thought from the stuff I have heard today.
Well, it looks as if I have spent the whole of Saturday at church- not trying to appear holy or anything. Looking at the clock, its... Sunday, wow, church again.
1 2 3...
1 2 3...
The almighty Liverpool is taking on some team named Luton. They stand no chance, we will own them.
What else is there to babble about?
oh yes, I aspire to make this blog uber cool (How?),
no no no,
I aspire to be drum master!
now Goodnight...
Friday, January 06, 2006
Test
Test Test Test...
Well Hello World, this blogger stuff is pretty new to me....
Why did I start it?
That I'm not sure, the intentions are blurry. But I shall strive to make this a wonderful page that holds the memories of Jeremy Neo- RESIDENT ALIEN, (me).
Resident Alien, a really cool oxymoron I picked up. It sounds very appropriate in many contexts. For example, being an international student, my life now is based in both Singapore and Melbourne. I am a Resident in those lands but feel like an Alien on either. The path of an international student its seems, makes one's agenda very temporary- as soon as you feel settled at one place, time calls you to pack up and head for the other. A nomad's life. It has been so for the past 4 years and will probably continue so in the next couple or so. Everything seems superficial- the facades, the false fronts you have to put up all the time in order to adapt to the ever changing lifestyles. I am temporary, I am formless. I feel treated so lightly and frivolously by people. I can't blame them, with my agenda being so volatile, there's no way any serious relationships can be easily forged. Anyhow, it is a lifestyle I have to put up with, even if it means shedding a couple of tears here and there. Unfortunately, that void of loneliness will never forsake me...
But in another context, a resident alien also can refer to the many Christians who are currently alive on this earth. Christians I feel, will never be truly happy here on earth- there's a yearning inside us for something more. Again, a void that will never be satisfied. The world and all its riches and splendor will not fill that emptiness. We know that there's something greater installed for us- we need the ultimate fellowship with God. Only then we will feel complete. Thus, being bound to this world as long as our spirits dwell in fleshly bodies, we know that although we reside on earth, we are still aliens. Heaven, as we call it, is truly home and until we reach it, Residents Aliens we will be on this earth...
I guess that's enough talk of Aliens and Residents- two words that are worlds apart. Any further eleboration and this article will suddenly turn into a sermon wannabe.
What do people write for their first article, I do not know. Introductions? Opening statements? intents and visions? That'll probably require a whole load of space I reckon. I dont suppose many people will bother to read those sorta stuff...
But yes, 06/01/06 shall be the day this site is created. Whether this site will be sustained or not, only time will tell. Beautiful date by the way, I just noticed it.
Anyhow, it is now the summer holidays for dudes like me studying down under @ Melbourne. Alas, it looks like my holidays seem to be flying so fast! December has just passed in a blink of an eye. Activities at that period seem to all revolve around church. I look ahead at the one and a half plus more months and seem to have no plans for the future. Short-sighted planning I reckon. Initial plans to try relieve teaching have been scrapped as I didnt take any initiative to follow up on the phone calls.
Its quite sad to say that this year I'll take on the title of a 4th year commerce and info systems student. 4th year! That just sounds wicked! Friends who've been with me in Melbourne are all graduating and enlisting this year into the army- except me! Two more years to go... I'm getting old! God please light my path...
But then again, he's never left my side.
He's always been with me... havent you God?
Well Hello World, this blogger stuff is pretty new to me....
Why did I start it?
That I'm not sure, the intentions are blurry. But I shall strive to make this a wonderful page that holds the memories of Jeremy Neo- RESIDENT ALIEN, (me).
Resident Alien, a really cool oxymoron I picked up. It sounds very appropriate in many contexts. For example, being an international student, my life now is based in both Singapore and Melbourne. I am a Resident in those lands but feel like an Alien on either. The path of an international student its seems, makes one's agenda very temporary- as soon as you feel settled at one place, time calls you to pack up and head for the other. A nomad's life. It has been so for the past 4 years and will probably continue so in the next couple or so. Everything seems superficial- the facades, the false fronts you have to put up all the time in order to adapt to the ever changing lifestyles. I am temporary, I am formless. I feel treated so lightly and frivolously by people. I can't blame them, with my agenda being so volatile, there's no way any serious relationships can be easily forged. Anyhow, it is a lifestyle I have to put up with, even if it means shedding a couple of tears here and there. Unfortunately, that void of loneliness will never forsake me...
But in another context, a resident alien also can refer to the many Christians who are currently alive on this earth. Christians I feel, will never be truly happy here on earth- there's a yearning inside us for something more. Again, a void that will never be satisfied. The world and all its riches and splendor will not fill that emptiness. We know that there's something greater installed for us- we need the ultimate fellowship with God. Only then we will feel complete. Thus, being bound to this world as long as our spirits dwell in fleshly bodies, we know that although we reside on earth, we are still aliens. Heaven, as we call it, is truly home and until we reach it, Residents Aliens we will be on this earth...
I guess that's enough talk of Aliens and Residents- two words that are worlds apart. Any further eleboration and this article will suddenly turn into a sermon wannabe.
What do people write for their first article, I do not know. Introductions? Opening statements? intents and visions? That'll probably require a whole load of space I reckon. I dont suppose many people will bother to read those sorta stuff...
But yes, 06/01/06 shall be the day this site is created. Whether this site will be sustained or not, only time will tell. Beautiful date by the way, I just noticed it.
Anyhow, it is now the summer holidays for dudes like me studying down under @ Melbourne. Alas, it looks like my holidays seem to be flying so fast! December has just passed in a blink of an eye. Activities at that period seem to all revolve around church. I look ahead at the one and a half plus more months and seem to have no plans for the future. Short-sighted planning I reckon. Initial plans to try relieve teaching have been scrapped as I didnt take any initiative to follow up on the phone calls.
Its quite sad to say that this year I'll take on the title of a 4th year commerce and info systems student. 4th year! That just sounds wicked! Friends who've been with me in Melbourne are all graduating and enlisting this year into the army- except me! Two more years to go... I'm getting old! God please light my path...
But then again, he's never left my side.
He's always been with me... havent you God?
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